Know first who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly.

Before my friend Mrs Z deactivated her Facebook account (well, as far as they will allow you to deactivate it - it's just a slightly more time-consuming log-out) she had a photo album called 'Ten Years of Dresses' which I spent many happy hours (well maybe not hours) perusing. I've been tidying up the hard drive on my poor wee laptop today and moving things over to my external hard drive and have felt inspired to do the same. It doesn't cover ten years, but here are a few of my favourite dresses. Click on the photo to get a closer look.

There is lots of clutter in the background - M took this photo so I could see what the dress looks like on! I bought this one on a whim in the sale. I was never that keen on strapless dresses until last summer when I bought a few that I loved, and this is one of them. The boning pokes out in an awkward way so wearing it is not the most comfortable experience, but I love it anyway.


La Caletta dress. This is another photo to see what the dress looks like on - it had been a while since I had worn it! I love the colour of this dress but it is very small fitting - a size bigger than I usually buy and still very snug. It's made of a cotton-silk mix so it is very light and comfortable to wear.


Monkey pinafore. This poor wee dress - this was the first time I had worn this dress, and shortly after the photo was taken someone spilled red wine on me. The stain came out (although because I know it's there, I can still sort of see it, but it would be invisible to anyone else) but one of my least favourite memories is feeling very hung over and having to scrub the dress with vinegar to get the stain out! The red pattern is little monkeys and the dress is very comfortable and fun to wear.


Laura Lees Topshop dress. This is one of my most-loved dresses - I bought it when I was doing my teacher training and it always makes me happy to wear it! This photo was taken at on Nic's birthday, a few weeks after we started going out. I wore this dress all the time during our first summer together so it has lots of happy memories for me.


Rose dress. This is another dress I wear all the time. Although this is a terrible photo of me, the dress is actually very flattering and comfortable.


Escala dress. This photo was taken at Mrs Z's christmas party last year. I had bought this lovely dress as a birthday treat for myself - I need to find more occasions to wear it (I might wear it to her christmas party this year too) I haven't got a full length photo of it, unfortunately, as it is very elegant and flattering. I love the bright blue colour and the material feels very heavy and luxurious. I might just take to wearing it around the house!


Loire dress. I usually try to avoid buying too many black dresses but this party frock was a complete bargain at £20 (in Dessie's in Armagh, what a legend) I'm in costume here, as Anita O'Day for a Hallowe'en party last year. The theme was dead musicians, and I was going for the look she sported in the Jazz on a Summer's Day concert. I think I looked pretty good, even it wasn't obvious who I was trying to be! (Annoyingly, someone I don't like very much showed up wearing something similar, and people thought all night we were there together, boo!)


Asturias dress (and lab coat provided by the Dover museum!) This is another one of my most worn dresses, and I also have one in jersey fabric (it's red) I bought this dress after dreaming about it. I realise that makes me sound quite mad, and maybe I am mad - but I had seen the dress in Lilac Rose and thought it was ridiculous because of the massive pockets on the sides, but then dreamed that I tried it on....so I went to try it on, and loved it. I wear this dress all the time, it is very comfortable and flattering and can be dressed up or down as you like.


Maisy dress. I don't like this photo of me, but it does show off the dress quite well! This one was another bargain - £20 from the sample rail in the Fever shop. It's another one that I've dressed up and down and although it's strapless, I don't have to hoik (very technical term) it up all the time because the bodice is nicely fitted. I think it would look good with a netted petticoat under it as well, but I haven't tried that yet...


Mauritius dress. My first ever maxi dress! I bought this out of frustration when the shop didn't have the one I wanted in my size (I bought it later) but I think I like this one better. It's very easy to wear - elegant and comfortable, and I love the combination of colours. And Barb Jungr complimented me on it on the Vortex Jazz Cruise. Result! I had always thought short people couldn't wear maxi dresses but I suppose it's a matter of finding the right one.


Phase Eight wrap dress. I love this dress, but didn't wear it for ages because one of my aunts asked me if I was pregnant when I was wearing it! The skirt is voluminous and the bow is very big (and, in fairness, I was feeling quite bloated) but all the same, this is a great dress. Reduced in their sale to £35 as well, so good times!


Green halter-neck dress. This was my first Fever dress, I bought it in Liberty Blue in Belfast to wear to a wedding. This photo is a bit blurred because my camera wasn't working properly but you can get the idea. The dress is very low cut so it's not really suitable for a summer dress, but it's good for parties, and I have a sentimental attachment to it.


Foligno Tunic. Ignore the crisps - I'm being super classy in this photo! I was lucky to get this dress - a lady was trying on the last one in Lilac Rose, luckily she didn't like it and it was in my size. I love the soft pleats on it, I feel a bit like a flapper when I'm wearing it.


Rocha John Rocha ruffle dress. I saw this one in a Dress of the Day post over on The Fashion Police and was able to pick it up on eBay for £7. What a bargain! It's a wee bit longer than I would like, but it's a very festive winter frock.


Christina dress. I bought this on a whim in the Fever shop in the summer, as it was in the sale. It didn't have much hanger appeal, but it is so nice on. The heavy cotton and the velvet ribbons make it feel really luxurious as well. This photo doesn't exactly do it justice - Nic was just taking a photo on my phone so I could see what it looks like!

I've exhausted myself for now, but I have a wardrobe full of dresses (and am what Nic calls 'dress demented') so there will be more in future!

Our ambition should be to kill our clients. I mean actually kill them. With our levels of service.

I'm just going to write a short wee post now. Nic and I are watching Manhattan Melodrama but we have interrupted it so he can phone his grandma. After that I'm going to make rhubarb crumble and have a bath!

It's been a very lovely weekend. I worked from home on Friday so was able to spend the day with Nic. He was working very hard on his writing so we had a good studious atmosphere going on. We also watched some more William Hartnell Who - Doctor Who and The Daleks, which I really enjoyed. There is a bit in Remembrance of The Daleks where a Dalek gets so confused that it blows up, and there is a very similar moment in this first Dalek adventure, where the Doctor, Susan, Ian and Barbara attack a Dalek and he piteously cries for help - it's very cute and sad and it makes it easy to forget that the Daleks are very bad. It is another excellent adventure in terms of Barbara - my girl crush on her has grown exponentially. Nic has just bought The Dalek Invasion of Earth so I will enjoy watching that this week. I know, I am a massive nerd!

I spent Friday afternoon with M and Sugar Plum, who then came back to my house. We were joined by N, Mr and Mrs Z, A and the lovely Tom. We ordered pizza from Tuscano's and there was quite a party atmosphere. I was utterly touched by a gift brought by Mr and Mrs Z of a Hornsea coffee pot, creamer and sugar bowl:



They are in the Heirloom pattern, which is my favourite. I already have the Heirloom coffee pot in green, and I was so delighted that Mrs Z remembered how much I love Hornsea pottery. By a stroke of luck, when Nic and I went to the tip shop with Sugar Plum and N today, I picked up a matching jar (for 50p, I love the tip shop) so I've quite a little collection there now!

The rest of the weekend has been nice and quiet. Nic and I had a potter around Warwick yesterday and then came home and had an amazingly tasty dinner (fried halloumi and mushroom in pitta bread with peri-peri sauce, with rosemary and black pepper potato wedges. I was so full I could have died, but it would have been an exceedingly happy death) and today we've been to the tip shop with friends. It's all good, and I'm feeling nicely refreshed for the coming week at work.

List of love
Ohh, the tip shop in Sydenham. As well as my little Hornsea jar (which was a little bit chipped, but still) I picked up Mrs de Winter by Susan Hill, which I've been meaning to read and also a book by Margaret Forster for 50p each.

The beautiful pink roses Mrs Z brought, and also the very tasty puff pastry mince pies she brought. We'll be having some of those later this week!

Myrna Loy. I love her.

Getting the christmas present sorted out for the sibling I'm being secret santa to. And also getting the christmas present for my parents sorted out, although I can't take credit for that.

M&S apple and cinnamon hot cross buns.

The nice man in the craft shop around the corner. He looks like Gerard Depardieu.

The nice man from the Cotswold Pudding and Pie company, and his extremely tasty pies!


List of loathe
My throat, it keeps getting sore and then being fine again within a day. I wish it would just be sore and be over with.

The heater in our living room isn't working properly and it is COLD. My nose is very cold as I am typing this.

Meals are at eleven, one, half-two, three, five, seven, and nine, and if you want a quick snack, you can just ask Mrs. Doyle there

I was a bad naughty girl yesterday and didn't do my Thursday hot-or-not. This is why NaNoWriMo would be no good for me, I can't even stick to the stupid deadlines I set for myself. LAME-O.

Hot

Free books. M works in a bookshop and got a free copy of a Muriel Spark book, which she passed on to me. It's brilliant.

It's nearly pay day, and only one more to go before I start my new job and get a raise. YES!

The Domestic Sluttery blog, which has been providing me with hours of entertainment

Some of the episodes of Cagney and Lacey on my birthday DVDs don't work, so I am going to download them from iTunes. Sweet!

I'm seeing my friends this evening and we very well may eat some chips from the Lansdowne Fish Bar.

Weekend.

Barbara Wright. Sneaking up the list of my favourite Doctor Who characters. I think she's great.

She's a dead tie with Liz Shaw for my favourite of the Doctor's companions. She is so good in The Aztecs as the reincarnation of Yetaxa and I love the fact that she is so intelligent. Why can't the new Who include such good female characters?

Not
I hate getting the cross country train to work at the best of times but it is even worse when it is full of people who have been to shows at the NEC. I've been in the office all day and am lugging my laptop and they've been swanning around eating chocolate. Grrr!

Artic winds

The workmen who start outside my window half an hour before my alarm goes off and then stop to have breakfast as I'm leaving the house.

I ain't no suit-wearin' businessman like you... you know I'm just a gangsta I suppose...

Tuesday already. I can't believe how quickly November is whizzing by.
I'll be glad when the year turns over, though. 2009 has been a very good year so far, but I'm ever wishing my life away and I'm really looking forward to starting my new job in January, and to the evenings getting longer, and all of the other things we all look forward to about the spring.

It was a lovely quiet weekend. I saw M and Sugar Plum on Friday after work, for a gossip in Starbucks and some tasty coffee, and then Nic and I headed out to the pub with Tom. We ended up staying out very late, and staying up even later - something I haven't done for quite a while. I'm not as young as I used to be and spent the rest of the weekend feeling sleepy. It was worth it though to see Nic and Tom discover that 'Gin Before Beer - You're in the Clear' and also 'Beer Before Gin - Get In!'

Over the weekend I finished reading The Bitch Goddess Notebook by Martha O'Connor. I had bought this in the pound shop months ago and finally got around to reading it. It was pretty good - it sort of reminded me of A Secret History and Cat's Eye, both of which are books I really enjoyed. I liked it well enough, but I think the reason I liked it was the fact that I was thinking 'maybe I could do this'. Maybe I could?

November is NaNoWriMo a fact which won't be lost on any of you who blog or are on Twitter. I'm skeptical about it, I don't think it would work for me (I think I would react against the timeframe) but I love how positive the whole concept is. When Nic gets downhearted about his writing I encourage him to keep going, to write down everything and then to use judicious editing. This is how I used to try to motivate my students when I was a teacher as well, so in theory I should be able to apply it to myself. It's a bit of a cliche, and I know that probably everyone thinks that they have a novel in them. I don't know if I have. I'm certainly creative - I'm very good at dreaming up weird cross-overs of my favourite TV programmes, or mentally writing guest stars into episodes. I realise that's not the same as the discipline it takes to really write, but it is something I am becoming increasingly keen on trying. And, you know, it would be good to do something with all of the lovely notebooks that people keep buying for me.

List of love
A date tonight with my lovely man. If I'm very lucky he'll buy me a glass of wine
Getting a lift to work and a lift home again - no stinky train for me
A sparkling clean oven
The new colour-scheme I'm employing for the blanket I'm making
Mince pies and spiced coffee
The el cheapo purple tights I bought from QS
The Thick of It - it made me laugh so hard this week.

List of loathe
RSI - sore shoulder, wrist and right hand. It's not good.
General tiredness but I will perservere
Already having most of December's pay earmarked. Darn you, Christmas!

I never thought I'd have to fire in anger at a dratted caterpillar.

Friday has been a good day! Nic is cooking up some of his very tasty Carrot and Coriander soup, and we're heading out to the pub later on, so I'm sure it will continue to be good.

I usually work from home on a Friday, which means a nice relaxed start to the weekend. I had some phone calls to make, but apart from that I had a nice, stress-free work day. I met C and M after I packed up for the evening for some very speedy shopping and then we camped out in Starbucks to giggle and look at the very handsome Curreri-alike that works there. It was very good, frothy fun and much better lit than the Sausage had been the other night! I'm looking forward to a good, sociable weekend. As I have discussed ad nauseum this week, I am feeling very grateful to my good friends for pulling me out of my funk.

I'm hoping that this isn't too similar to my Thursday What's Hot/Not list, but I feel like counting my blessings and summing up my week. Damn, it's my blog so I'm going to do it anyway. Ner.

- I am in the Birmingham office all week, which means far too many rides on the smelly train
+ I have been sitting next to H, so the week has been full of nice chat to break up the work
- I have spent far too much time stressing about the dress I have chosen to get for C and N's wedding
+At least I definitely know it's the dress I want
+ Tuesday evening was brilliant - a free pint for Nic and a tasty glass of wine for me in The White Horse
+ Wednesday evening was unexpectedly brilliant as well - drinks in The Sausage with friends, and then pizza from Tuscano's at home.
+ Good home cooking this week - testing out recipes for tomato soup and vegetable jalfrezi. Both pretty successful, but I think the soup needed something more.
- Horrible weather making horrible office surroundings seem worse
+ It's not that long until Christmas, new year, new job, new office
+ Doctor Who: The Three Doctors was better than I remembered. I love the Brigadier so much!
+ Discovering little bottles of rose Prosecco in M&S - very tasty!

All to the positive, then. I'm off to eat some Carrot and Coriander soup!

After all, if I was suffering from amnesia I'd be the first to know about it, wouldn't I?

Operation Get Out Of My Rut has been continuing apace. Yesterday evening I was due to meet C for a post-work coffee and gossip in Starbucks. Only, when we got to Starbucks it was closed. Irritatingly, their opening hours aren't displayed anywhere, which meant that I didn't get to flirt with the cute barista with the really blue eyes. Anyway, for convenience more than anything else, we repaired to The Sausage and I ended up spending my whole evening there. We had some quality one-on-one girl time, were joined by N and Nic and also Viv and Paul. It was excellent, and again it was just what I needed. It was suitably mood-lit in the Sausage and I had a bit of a headache when I got home, I think this was caused by having to squint to see Viv across the table in the dim light!

I have been having anxiety dreams much more frequently in the last few months. They always take the same form – someone I love berates me in the strongest terms, for all of the bad things about my personality. I'm not sure why my brain wants to do this to me. It's exhausting, though. I had another one last night, the only variation being that this time it was three of my friends who took the opportunity to follow me home, telling me my faults all the while. I like to think that I'm a pretty nice person and I certainly try to be a good friend, by my subconscious seems to think otherwise!

It might be because I have been giving my friendships and my relationship some more considered thought recently. It's one of the side-effects of feeling a bit low, my confidence in my ability to make and retain friends plummets, and it leaves me feeling unwilling and unable to spend time with those friends – such a vicious circle. I have been trying to pull myself out of this funk, and with some success, which was why last night in the pub was so welcome. By happy accident I ran into Mystery Creature and Second Hand Shopper, both of whose blogs I have been reading, and although I felt a bit flustered (and a bit bashful for just suddenly popping up like a mental – sorry ladies!) it really pleased me to meet both of them in the flesh. Something else that did me good about last night was the variety of conversations we were able to have. I'm very lucky in the friends I have – not only are they warm and loving and intelligent people, but they encourage the good in me to shine. I really felt it when I was talking to each one of the people I spent yesterday evening with, and it made me very happy.

I was very lucky to be able to have a good conversation with C and N. N is C's fiancé, and I am so pleased and happy that he has become more than just her other half to me, but a friend in his own right. This was emphasised to me last night by how comfortable I felt talking to him about emotional stuff. It's soppy, I know, but it feels good to have made such an excellent friend!

I talked to C and N about my friend Miranda. Miranda died nearly a year ago now, and our friendship and her death are things that I'm not always that comfortable with talking about (but I'm going to, because it's all hugging and learning round here today!) Miranda and I became friends in our early teens, in an impassioned pen-pal way. We wrote to one another constantly, and spent hours on the phone (to my parents' consternation – our phone bills were pretty big in those days) Miranda was very different to me, and she always challenged me, and she was the first friend I had who would tell me that I was talking crap! She lived in England, and we never met. It's stupid, and it's something that I will always regret because I have lived in England for the past 8 years, and we weren't all that far apart physically. Although the intensity of our communication diminished over the years we never lost contact, and the pain I felt when she died was shocking to me. And what was nearly as bad was the guilt I felt, and still feel, about the intensity of my grief. It felt fraudulent and attention-seeking to grieve over someone I had never met, and I wasn't comfortable with talking about it. Some time and distance has helped me to understand that our friendship was no less important because it wasn't conducted face to face, and that loss can't really be measured in those terms either. I miss Miranda, and I will always miss her, and I am trying hard to take something from what happened, and spend less time stressing about what I think my friends think about me, and enjoy the fact of their presence.

Hey, that all got a bit heavy. Time for a bit of a change of pace. It's Thursday, so here is my Hot and Not list.

Hot
I finished Jane and Prudence on my way to work this morning, and I loved the ending. I'm certainly going to make the effort to look for more Barbara Pym novels.

Spontaneous evenings out – as discussed above

New series of Gavin and Stacey starts tonight. I expected to dislike Gavin and Stacey and for ages I wrote it off as just another crappy BBC3 comedy. I'm not overly fond of either Gavin or Stacey, but I love all of the other characters, particularly Pam(-elaaaaaa)

£10 to spend at Wysteria Lane, I'm just trying to decide what pretty thing to buy!

I've figured out what to do with my hair and makeup for C and N's wedding. Just need to buy dress and shoes, and I'm hoping to do this in London at the start of December.

Not
Anxiety dreams. Boke.

My right shoulder is very sore. I think it might be RSI, so I'm going to look into buying one of those ergonomic mouse things, or a tablet and pen.

This weather is no good for my wispy mousy hair.

Virgin Cross-Country train to and from work. It has been especially smelly and unpleasant this week. Ugh!

Don’t dig there, dig it elsewhere, You're digging it round when it ought to be square.

...The shape of it's wrong, it's much too long
and you can't put a hole where a hole don't belong

November has been a funny old month for me so far. I wonder if I have been suffering from some mild form of Seasonal Affective Disorder, because nothing has been wrong but I've felt low, and like something was lacking. Even on Sunday when I was internet window-shopping, it did little to raise my spirits. I get too easily into a rut, and recently the rut has been working all day, then coming home from work and watching endless DVDs with Nic. That's good too – we've been watching good programmes, but it's not great for conversation, and I have been dwelling on things rather too much.

Over the past few days I've been trying to make a change and it has already made a difference. Nic and I went out for a drink last night, and the change of scenery combined with the lack of distractions like internet meant that we were able to talk about all sorts of things, which helped me back to myself. I only had one glass of wine, but getting out of the house was really good for me. The home-work-home pattern I'd fallen into was getting me down. We're going to go out for a walk tonight as well, and I'm meeting dear C for a coffee after work – all small things, but the things that make a difference to me.

As I wrote in an earlier post, I have been getting my reading mojo back. M lent me two Barbara Pym novels a few months ago, Excellent Women and No Fond Return of Love, both of which I thoroughly enjoyed. I'm now racing through Jane and Prudence, found on the shelves of Leamington library. The library also had a copy of Excellent Women, which included an introduction by Alexander McCall-Smith. I read through it and felt very irritated by it indeed. In fact, I have been feeling this way about the introductions to a number of Virago paperbacks recently (poor M was on the receiving end of a tirade about the Sophie Dahl introduction to Stella Gibbons' novel Nightingale Wood) I have a number of those lovely old greenbacked Virago paperbacks, many of which contain very thoughtfully written, scholarly introductions to the novels. This tradition seems to have been cast aside and replaced by getting any published author to write down whatever they happen to know about the book or the author. The Sophie Dahl introduction to Nightingale Wood was shockingly bad. It outlined the plot of Cold Comfort Farm, said that maybe Stella Gibbons was a bit anti-Semitic in her representation of Mr Mybug, but that it was a long time ago and things were different then, and then a description of what happens in the book you're about to read. There was no craft and no originality to it. Alexander McCall Smith did a slightly better job with his introduction to Excellent Women – mercifully he didn't give the plot away. However, he did very lazily compare Barbara Pym to Jane Austen, and this was the whole thrust of his argument. Presumably this was because both Pym and Austen wrote about spinsters, but any similarity ends there. These kinds of introductions (and the garish book covers) are disappointing because I feel they trivialise the novels, which seems to me to be contrary to Virago's project. The Jilly Cooper introduction to Jane and Prudence annoyed me less, but she again gave away the ending of the book. If the publishers are going to allow this then I think they should put these essays at the end of the novel, rather than at the beginning. Jane and Prudence is great fun, however, so I'm not going to get too upset about knowing the ending. Barbara Pym is very good at showing the invisible battle lines that groups of women draw about them, and as this is something I have been thinking about a great deal recently, I'm finding the book very enjoyable, and plan to finish it on my train journey home this evening. Then it's onto reading Mr Blandings Builds His Dream House by Eric Hodgins, partly to help Nic with his thesis, but mainly because I'd like to read it!

I'm also feeling relieved that I will be able to buy that lovely Dazzle dress by Fever for C and N's wedding, as it is definitely available. I hadn't found a satisfactory plan B, so I'm very happy that I don't have to worry about this. Nic and I are going to head down to London at the start of the month to get the dress, and to do some Christmas shopping, and possibly to see a film at the NFT. It feels good to be feeling enthusiastic about things again.

Wishlist

It's Sunday afternoon, I've finished my book and I'm doing a little bit of internet window-shopping. I've been feeling very grumpy and irritable this week so I'm hoping this will make me feel a bit better. This is a wee bit of a wishlist - things I hope to buy in the next few months, or on eBay, or if they come into the sale in January.

Irregular Choice Matronix shoes

It's not the best photo, but I love the sparkly heel on them. I'm having a bit of a purple moment, after years of thinking that it doesn't suit me and these look like lots of fun.

Ruby Belle tartan dress

It's totally impractical. And probably the boning will poke out and stick into me like it does in my other Ruby Belle strapless dress, but I think it's lovely all the same.

Fever Dazzle dress
C and N's wedding is coming up soon, and I'm hoping to buy this lovely frock to wear to it. Unfortunately it's only pictured in black, and I hope to buy it in navy blue. I've been given permission to buy it, I'm just hoping Fever get it in store in time!




In fact, there are always lots of things in the Fever catalogue I like, I'm hoping they will have some nice samples to tempt me when I visit the store again at the start of December. I'm sure they will, in fact!

Well, that's made me feel more cheerful. Also, Nic is making me a cup of coffee, and I have a wispa gold to eat so I'm off to do that. YUM!

Jason Westmoreland's copper-flecked eyes glanced cynically around the terrace. He was sick of Capri and longed for Wolverhampton

I wasn't able to do my Thursday Hot and Not yesterday, as I was away from my computer all day, first at a conference and then at a gig. So I'm doing it now, and waving my hands in the air like I just don't care (because I just don't care)

Hot
Paul Curreri and his new album. Look at how cute he is!

Anyway, his new album California has just come out, so Nic and the two Js went to see him play last night in Taylor John's House in Coventry. It wasn't my favourite ever Paul Curreri gig, but he is my absolute most favourite musician ever so it is always highly exciting to see him play live. He's been out of action recently due to a throat injury so it is excellent to see him back on form. I'll write another entry at a later date about just how good and lovely he is (for example, on the request of a friend, he sent me a birthday present one year. How good is that?!) Hurrah for Curreri :)

Peanut butter on toast. What a yummy treat on a cold day.

Coffee. At the conference yesterday it was *cold* so I drank about 7 cups of coffee to keep warm, then had some more later in the evening in Brown's....tasty and warming and good. I'm drinking some super tasty freshly ground Green Bean coffee right now, courtesy of my sister Smelly, who owns a cafe.

Finally getting my flights booked to go home at christmas. They were slightly more expensive than I would have liked, but I can bring a hold bag to contain all my lovely christmas presents. Good stuff!


Not
I feel hesitant to say this, but I'm going to anyway. Taylor John's House in Coventry. I've seen Paul Curreri and his lovely wife Devon Sproule play there so many times, and I think it could be a really great venue. They attract great talent and the gigs are good value for money. But with all that said, it's never a great gig experience. There is a really off-putting cliquey vibe to the place, so it's hard to feel welcome there. The toilets are really grotty and the bar is very limited. I hate being shushed at the start of the set by the venue's owner. It's good to ask the audience to be respectful of the performer, and it is very good to be able to enjoy a performance without people talking on their mobile phones, but being sushed and clicked at is deepy irritating and quite offensive. I'll continue to go there as long as Paul Curreri plays there, and I'm grateful to have the opportunity to see him live, but I always come away from a gig there with a bad taste in my mouth. (it might be the green wine)

What's with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an opening in the Rat Pack?

I've been getting my reading mojo back recently. I had a bit of a slump a while back, when I found it difficult to get into anything but I think being on holiday and having lots of time to read enthused me again. So here is a list of some of my most-loved books (in no particular order)

Anne of Green Gables - L.M Montgomery
I think anyone who knows me knows of my love for the Anne books. For simplicity I have just named the first in the series, but I love all of them, even the later ones where Anne moves into the background and the narrative focuses on her children. If I had read the books first as an adult I might not have loved them as well as I do - they are full of morals and religion. Reading the first book as an adult, I came to realise that the story isn't just of how Anne changes and grows, but how Marilla changes by opening her heart to love. I loved all of Anne's adventures and the books are faithful friends that I never tire of reading.

Diary of a Provincial Lady - E.M. Delafield

(This one gets a picture of the cover because I could find a picture of the edition I have, hurrah!)
As with the Anne books, this covers the series of Provincial Lady books written by E.M. Delafield - Diary of a Provincial Lady, The Provincial Lady Goes Further, The Provincial Lady in America and The Provincial Lady in Wartime. The Provincial Lady of the title is accident-prone, self-conscious and long-suffering and she is very, very funny. I identify with her constant feeling that she is less well-dressed and socially capable than her friends, and in her struggles with irritating neighbours and friends she doesn't like I take great comfort. These are among the few books that can make me laugh out loud.

The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 3/4 - Sue Townsend

Another diary, and another series! I haven't read all of the Adrian Mole books - I have yet to read The Lost Diaries of Adrian Mole or Adrian Mole: The Prostrate Years, but I will. These are more books that make me laugh out loud, although they are a lot bleaker than the Provincial Lady. I think my favourite thing about the series isn't Adrian, but the turbulent lives of his parents, George and Pauline. I love the way that Sue Townsend documents the period as well - Pauline goes to Greenham Common and reads The Female Eunuch, Adrian becomes a celebrity chef in a restaurant dedicated to offal. I look forward to seeing how life has turned out for the middle-aged Adrian.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavlier and Clay - Michael Chabon

Just one book this time, rather than a series. I love the scope of this book as much as everything else. This book took me by surprise, I'm not interested in Escapology but the decriptions of Joe Kavalier's training riveted me. Joe Kavalier, the sad-eyed, haunted soul, is one of my favourite characters from literature. Following the course of his, Sam and Rosa's lives was wonderful and moving. I really hope that the constant rumours that this will be made into a film are wrong. It would make a terrible film, but it is a magical book.

The Woman Who Walked Into Doors - Roddy Doyle

This is one of the very few books that has made me cry. I really cried, as well, I put the book down and howled. Paula Spencer, the narrator, is 39. She has four children, lives in a council estate in Dublin, is an alcoholic and a battered wife. Her husband has been dead for a number of years, and Paula's voice recounts to us their courtship and marriage, her alcoholism and her struggle to get her life back together. So, you can see why I cried so much! One of the things I like so much about Roddy Doyle is his ear for language and his ability to write the rhythms of everyday speech, and this is what makes this novel so real and moving. It's not a misery-lit memoir, although there is hope for Paula there is no climactic triumph over adversity.

Germinal - Emile Zola

Germinal is a pretty tough read. It's unlikely that I would ever have read it, if I hadn't been studying it in my second year of university, I don't think the idea of reading about a load of French miners on strike would have appealed to me that much. I read it pretty quickly, out of necessity, but also because I was absorbed. Zola moves between the personal and political so well, the novel is a bit like a tapestry. I loved it so much I went out and bought as many of the Rougon-Maquart novels I could find translations of, and a big old biography of the man himself.

Well, I'll leave it there for now, even though 6 seems like an eccentric number to leave it on. I'll have to add more at a later date.

Oh, and on a similar note, I've finished Year of Wonders and have started The Parasites by Daphne du Maurier. I'm not sure what I think of it yet, I'm only about 30 pages in. It's calling to mind The Fountain Overflows and Sunflower by Rebecca West, so I will stick with it I think.

I don't creep, I glide

Today I'm feeling inspired by Loobylu to write a What's Hot/What's Not list. It's not Wednesday, but I think I'll do mine on Thursdays instead.

Hot
Nic is home from America, hurrah! He was only gone for a week, but I missed him. He had a good time, met some lovely people and brought me home a lovely present of:

Prada perfume. I've been too poor to buy it this year, so have been making do, but it is my favourite perfume. I've been going into House of Fraser recently to spray it on my coat. Now I smell like a very classy lady!

Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks. M lent this to me months ago, and I've only started reading it. It's excellent - it reminds me a little of Music and Silence by Rose Tremain, which is another of my favourites.

My new dress which may be named after someone I dislike, but is really really nice on. It looks good with my birthday shoes as well!

Duck eggs. M and I had some boiled Norfolk White duck eggs for our tea on Monday night and they were delicious. It's been years since I've eaten a duck egg, and Nic had never had the pleasure, so I brought him one as breakfast in bed yesterday.

Bagpuss, dear Bagpuss
Old Fat Furry Catpuss
He has been keeping me very nice and warm now that the weather has turned cold.

Finally, and belatedly mastering the crochet granny square. I can do more complicated things but this evaded me for an irritatingly long time. Thanks to good instruction from this book I have very happily using up my various scraps of yarn to make myself a blanket.

One cup coffee filters - making my coffee-drinking at work much more pleasurable. I think I might buy a Belgian filter like this one from Bodum

Making plans for Friday night at the pub. I love going to the pub with my friends!

Not
Open plan office-stress. A colleague sitting near me today talks so loudly on the phone that I'm sure it must render the phone unnecessary.

Being cold. Bagpuss is helping me to ward off the cold, but I'm going to have to switch my heater on eventually.

Trying to make plans for what do do about getting home for Christmas. All of my options seem to be dauntingly expensive.

I know I have to vacuum this weekend, and I hate it.

Nature's all very well in her place, but she musn't be allowed to make things untidy

For this last visit home to (extremely rainy) Northern Ireland I flew with Ryanair into Derry City airport, rather than my usual route of flying with BMIbaby to Belfast International. It was an interesting experience for a number of reasons. It was the first time I had flown with Ryanair for a long time and it has changed lots. I won't join the many voices already criticising Ryanair for the way in which their charges mount and mount, or the lack of room in their planes, or the way in which you are advertised to for almost the entire duration of your flight, or for the fact that the airport is named Derry City Airport but the Ryanair flight announcement and advertising refers to it as Londonderry airport, which it is not (oh, whoops - I did join those people. Oh well) but it was very different to how I was used to getting home. Also, Derry is further away from my parents' house, quite a long drive over the Sperrins. I very much enjoyed the drive through the mountains, and so did my dad. It was nice to be reminded how beautiful my home country is. And, it was excellent to spend some time in Derry - something I haven't done for some time.

It got me thinking again - in a very convoluted manner - about Facebook. On the drive from the airport (actually in Eglinton, not really in Derry) into Derry city centre we drove past the house where one of my friends used to live. He is someone who I lost contact with, and rarely think about now. But when I was a teenager he was an important friend - someone who I wrote to lots, and talked to on the phone, and visited, and really cared about. He was an important friend to have because he was the first properly platonic male friend I had, and I love being friends with men. Anyway, I googled him and found that he is on Facebook, so if I were also on Facebook I'd be able to get in contact with him, and wouldn't that be nice? But, I'm not on Facebook, and I don't want to be. And I can't find other contact details for him online (which is reassuring, actually)

So, what do I want? I suppose if I really wanted to get in contact with him I could write a letter and post it to his parents' house, assuming that they still live in Derry. I suppose it is what I would have done in the days pre-internet. And maybe I will do it. When I deleted my Facebook account, lots of people wondered how I would keep in touch with them. And to be fair, I'm not really in touch with some of those people now, and I wonder what that means. If I contacted Ed (for that is the name of my long-lost friend) on Facebook, would it mean that our friendship was revived? It might, but it probably wouldn't. Maybe that is laziness, but I think it is a kind of laziness that Facebook encouraged me into in the past (that and semi-stalking, and who needs to be spending their time doing that?!) Once again, I'm not entirely sure what my point is in this. Maybe a wee diagram would be helpful

I think 'Oh, wouldn't it be nice to know what Ed is up to these days' --->
Oh, he's on Facebook. But I'm not ------->
Maybe if I was on Facebook I could contact him -------->
But what would that achieve? I don't think it's a very good place to communicate, although we would be able to see each other's photos. ------->
Aaah Facebook is crap. Bollocks to it ---------->
Is fondly remembering someone the same as a sincere desire to rekindle a friendship? ------->
Probably not

Maybe I should write all of my blogs as little diagrams!

p.s Ed Devlin from Derry - on the very slim chance that you google your name and find this, email me, yeah? It's much better than Facebook!

I've block booked 14 meeting rooms. She'll never find us.

It has been a really disjointed week for me. Nic is in America at a conference, and I have been at home, in rainy Northern Ireland. Extremely, extraordinarily rainy. The little weather gadget on my BBC NI homepage always seems to show it raining, it has become a running joke between Nic and I, and that is what it was like. I loved it, though. I spent my time at home just passing the time in the house with my family, playing with the dog, reading and learning a few new crochet stitches. It was indolent, and surprisingly tiring, and just what I needed.

I enjoy my own company and I look forward to having time to myself to read, or daydream, or knit or crochet or whatever, but I don't think I am much good at being on my own for long periods of time. It might be because I grew up in a big family so I've never really spent great amounts of time alone, I don't know. I spent a fair amount of my time at home on my own, and that was good, but it was so comforting to know that my mum was somewhere in the house, or that the dog was asleep on my feet. I miss Nic a great deal, and, having time to think, I have been wondering this evening if I am too dependent on his company and his love, and too dependent generally on having people around me. I'm sure that if I was faced with long periods alone I would be fine, and I would find interesting ways to spend that time, I'm just not all that good at it right now.

All of this has been greatly exacerbated by the fact that I have spent today reading The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. Yes, I know, it is about 5 years after everyone else, but I resisted reading it for such a long time (the snob in me. I don't read books that are consistently recommended to me by people I don't like. But then two people who I love and respect recommended it to me, and I cracked.) Now, it wasn't the ideal book for me to read today because a) saying goodbye to my parents at the airport is always very hard and b)I miss Nic. I couldn't put it down, read the entire book in about 4 hours, and it destroyed me. I cried reading it, I cried when I was telling Nic about reading it. I'm pretty lame, but it really hit a nerve. I'd like to read it again when I'm not feeling so sensitive to thinking about love, loss, loneliness and longing. In the novel, Clare spends so much of her time waiting for Henry, and longing for him. One of her friends tells her that she has to move on and stop waiting, but it's what her life is about. And I often feel like I'm always waiting for something, wishing my life away - I suppose it just feels more pronounced now. I'm waiting for Nic to come home, I'm waiting for it to be christmas so I can go home again, I'm waiting for my new job to start. I'm not dissatisfied with the present, and I love my life, so I don't know why I feel so impatient. Well, I know I'm feeling impatient because I want Nic to come home so I can give him a big cuddle. And I think that I'll have to find something a bit more cheerful to read on the train tomorrow!

And on that cheerful thought, here is a picture of my clever, cafe-owning sister with her Hallowe'en cakes: