My life in dresses

I've been meaning to sit down and write this for a while, but as you all know, I have been short on time. As ever, I've been inspired to get moving by my favourite bloggers. Amber wrote two fantastic posts about the role of fashion in her life, and Caroline has written about her relationship with vintage fashion.

I don't hold much truck with 'fashion', as in the art of fashion. I'm not really interested in the drama and the art of the catwalk, and I'm even less interested in seeing impossibly tall and thin women jumping (always jumping) in these dramatic 'pieces' in magazine photo shoots. I'm not criticising it, or anything, it's just not what I'm interested in.

What I'd like to write about is my relationship with clothes. For those of you who don't know me, I almost always wear dresses. I only own one pair of jeans and two pairs of trousers, and I rarely wear them. I'm not anti-trousers, and the fact that I wear dresses is not some mad 'What-would-Audrey-do-how-to-be-elegant' manifesto either, it's just how I like to dress.

When I was a wee slip of a teenager and undergraduate, I pretty much lived in jeans. My friend Clarabelle had these amazing vintage bell-bottomed jeans that had belonged to her mum in the 70s. I pinched them (poor Clarabelle) and wore them so much they began to feel like part of me. I wore them to go shopping, to go out dancing, everything. I had one dress, which incidentally also came from Clarabelle. I liked it a lot, but I thought it was too sexy and grown up for me, so I never felt comfortable wearing it. I wore it very rarely. As I've said, I was only a wee slip of a thing in those days and it wasn't until I went to university that I started to physically mature. Alas, I didn't grow any taller but I did put on some weight, mainly around my chest (and also around my tummy). I stopped feeling comfortable in my clothes, because they all seemed to make my body look all lumpy and stumpy and wrong.

I had a few years of feeling uncomfortable in my clothes, and wishing that I was taller and thinner and had smaller breasts and nicer hair and all the rest of it, until I was nearing the end of my teacher training course. I bought a frock from Laura Lees at Topshop one summery, giddy Friday afternoon and wore it out that night. My boyfriend at the time liked it, but I don't think he liked the attention it got. I wasn't sure I did either, but I loved the way it made me feel good about the bits of my body I'd always felt self-conscious about. It also drew my attention to things I'd never noticed, like my narrow shoulders and my slim legs.

The Laura Lees for Topshop dress that started me off on my addiction

I didn't rush out and buy a wardrobe full of dresses after this, but I did start to make a conscious effort to add them to my repertoire. I quickly decided not to keep my dresses for 'best' or just for going out, but to find ways to wear the clothes I liked all the time, because I enjoyed feeling good about my body.

I'm not saying I'll never wear trousers again, but in the past few years I've discovered that my personal sense of style is dressy. It's feminine, and quirky, and maybe even a bit flamboyant, but I'm dressing to suit my taste. I dress to look good, and to feel good about myself, and I have fun with my clothes. It's why there are so many "Squee!! Check out all of the dresses I bought!" posts around here. I've had a bit of a journey with it. I recognise that mainly wearing dresses may seem a little bit limiting, but I have been gradually pushing myself out in different directions. I've colour-coded my wardrobe to make an effort to buy frocks in a range of colours. I have dresses in a range of shapes, from wiggle-dresses, princessy pleated skirts, shift dresses, tunics and even maxi dresses - which are a challenge for Lilliputians like me. I'm mixing my accessories, and this autumn past I started experimenting with coloured tights.

Maybe I am closing myself off and limiting myself when I look at something like harem pants or double denim and decide that they're not for me. It's certainly why I find fashion magazines so uninspiring. I'm okay with that, though. It's not important to me to be 'fashion forward' or 'edgy' or anything like that. Rather, I'm happy to wear clothes that allow me to express my personality and taste, and that I look like myself in. This is why I'm very excited about Basse Mode, the magazine for real women. My style isn't fixed, and I am inspired by the women around me, by how they dress and how they make their style work for them. I'll be excited and inspired by the women in Basse Mode, especially if they wear dresses!

I am sleeping and walking! Sleeping and walking! How am I doing that?

Hello everyone! I'm probably going to keep this fairly short and pedestrian because I am tired. Also, Nic is making me dinner - vegetarian toad in the hole. Yum!

Well, we ended up having a very lovely weekend indeed. We got up bright and early on Saturday morning to catch the first off-peak train down to London (okay, not that early because the first off-peak train is at 9:30, but still. I think that's early enough for a Saturday!) The weather was very springlike, breezy and bright with a few little showers here and there. We didn't stay in town for very long, just long enough for me to go to the Fever shop to pick up a dress for Sugar Plum and a few wee things for myself as well. I had gone with the intention of buying the Scribble maxi dress, which they didn't seem to have out on the rails so I contented myself with trying on a few others, and while I was in the changing room a Scribble dress appeared. A woman had phoned the shop and asked them to keep one back for her in an 8 and one in a 10 so she could try them - the 8 fitted her better, so I got the 10. I was very pleased indeed! I also bought this dress:



It didn't look much on the hanger, but it fits so beautifully. The fabric is a nice heavy linen and it's very elegant, I'm ever so pleased with them both! Of course, as I've gone a bit mad this month I really will have to be good in April. I wonder what the chances are of that happening!

After a really lovely late breakfast in Soho and a browse in the bookshops on the Charing Cross Road, Nic and I caught the overground to Barnes Bridge. We found the bed and breakfast I had booked, and it was gorgeous. The lady who runs it wasn't there, she had left the key with the neighbour for us. The house was beautiful and our room was light and pretty and I knew we'd have a nice night there. Nic and I spent the afternoon pottering around Barnes village, mainly trying to guess which one of the amazing houses might have been Jon Pertwee's house when he was still alive! We met up with our friends, Adam and Les and had a few drinks and dinner, before going to The Bull's Head to see Stan Tracey. The gig was excellent, Stan Tracey was playing in a quintet with a drummer, a bass player, a saxophonist and a trombone player. They were all incredible, and we had so much fun. It was great to see Adam, and to meet Les again and it was such a good way to spend a Saturday evening.

After a (slightly shorter than usual) sleep, Nic and I met our lovely landlady over breakfast. She was so lovely, cooked us a delicious breakfast and chatted to us and made us feel right at home - I'd visit Barnes again just to stay there again, she was so nice. We left reasonably early, and walked across Hammersmith bridge and caught the bus up to Marylebone. I was keen to get back up to Leamington reasonably early, so we spent an hour or two pottering around Marylebone high street before getting the train home. I'm pretty tired now, and as I am going to be in London all week I am somewhat questioning the wisdom of having added two more journeys onto that, but we did have an excellent time. As it had been Nic's birthday present, I am especially happy it worked out so well, as he really enjoyed himself. I feel very lucky that we both can enjoy the same things - little outings like this might not seem like a big deal to some people, but we get a lot of enjoyment out of them and I love having adventures with him. He's the perfect partner to share these things with.

Right, I'm away to have a bath and then to bed. Having a nice Sunday evening, everyone!

You're right, Ollie; he who filters your good name steals trash.

It's Friday, and I have a DAY OFF. I'm so ridiculously happy about this, as you all know work has been chronic recently. I haven't done anything too spectacular with my day off so far, but it has been lovely and relaxing.

I worked from home yesterday and spent ALL day doing month-end finance stuff. It's not a huge part of my job, but it is something that I will have to do every month as I manage some budgets. I had thought that I would have to be in London, but as it turned out I was able to spend the day getting through the finance stuff. It was good to be at home, and especially good to be able to finish up at four and head out with Nic for some coffee and cake:

It was raining, so I've got on my grey hat, but in every other respect it was a lovely spring day


We went for cake in a little bakery close by, Sweet As. Nic had chocolate and orange cake and I had coffee and a florentine, and it was just lovely. It felt very decadent to be going for cake on a Thursday afternoon!

Viv came round for dinner and a number of glasses (bottles) of wine, and we had a late night. I thoroughly enjoyed my long lie-in this morning! The sun was shining (it's gone in now, sadly) so I got gussied up in a nice summery frock that I bought in the Fever sale before Christmas:

Nic and I headed to the tip shop to drop off some videos, and I bought about eleventy-seven books. I have no restraint at the tip shop because everything is 10p. That brings my book total for this week to about three hundred and twelfty nine, so I think I need to read these ones before I buy any others!

I'm off to meet Sugar Plum's new baby niece this afternoon, and then Nic and I are heading to London tomorrow for the weekend. There's a good chance I will do some shopping, so expect a nice long 'I've been very bad, here are some dresses and shoes I bought even though it is very close to payday' post on Sunday evening!

Happy weekend, everyone!

The witch in Hansel and Gretel—she's very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house and these brats come along, and start eating it!

Hello there everyone, I hope you're all having a very pleasant Tuesday so far. I'm grand, except that I'm typing this on my work laptop which has a very annoying trackpad and the cursor keeps jumping around the screen. Bah, but it can't be helped as Nic is doing some writing on my laptop.

It's a bit grey and dull in Leamington today, and I'm curled up on my sofa under a blanket. Despite this, I think there is still a taste of spring in the air and I'm sure it won't be long before this blanket can be folded up and put away for a few months.

I'm feeling decidedly more like me, and more optimistic and happy generally. Last week was busy, but nothing like the weeks before had been and I was even able to work in the Coventry office on Friday for the first time for about a month. The sun was shining as I walked to the station in the morning and, although it started to rain later that afternoon, the sunshine really recharged my batteries. It helped also that I was able to hang up my (admittedly very pretty) winter coat and wear my lovely red trench coat instead. The office in Coventry is a very pleasant place to work, even more so when it is sunny, and I got through my to-do list (and the extra bits of work that came in through the day) with satisfying speed. It was also amazing to be able to finish work at four and be home by half past! Not that I did anything tremendously exciting with my extra few hours, in fact I had been rained on during my walk to Coventry station and so just wanted to get home and into some warm clothes! On Friday night Nic and I watched The Thing From Another World, the original one from 1951. I had never seen it (although I had seen the 80s John Carpenter remake The Thing, which I didn't like) and I loved it. We switched off all the lights and the whole experience was very spooky indeed. Since my friend John bought me Day of the Triffids and The Midwich Cuckoos by John Wyndham a few years ago I have become increasingly interested in science fiction, and so the film ticked a few boxes for me for that reason. It came out in the same year as Day of the Triffids and has some of the same concerns, although in a much more condensed way.

The weather was miserable on Saturday and so, after my lovely long lie-in and cooked breakfast (boiled eggs, toast and coffee) Nic and I got a few chores done around the house and headed into town to do some grocery shopping and to have a look in the charity shops. I thought I'd defy the grim weather and wore my lovely Corbusier Atlantis dress. I wore it for Nic's birthday party the weekend previously, but there are no photos from that night, so here it is


Needless to say, I put on a cardigan and my lovely grey BHS (via a flea market) tweed jacket. I got a few strange looks in town, I think because what I wore was so weather inappropriate, but I didn't really care. I've had a few such looks and comments recently. None of the comments have been negative, I hasten to add, more along the lines of 'aren't you dressed for Spring?' with a tone of surprise. I'm not complaining, it's just something I find a little bit odd as I'm not wearing anything too over the top, I guess it's just that I'm not wearing black?

Anyway, I had made plans to spend Saturday evening with Sugar Plum, Martha, Claire and Lauren. The girls came round to my house, and as we got head and ears into the wine and snacks we had a lot of fun. It wasn't as raucous as some girly evenings have been in the past, but it was so nice just to chill out at home and have fun with my friends. Lauren, Claire and Martha left fairly early and Nic came home in good time to have a few drinks with Sugar Plum and I and catch up. I introduced Sugar Plum to this amazing R Kelly video for Real Talk (this is not at all SFW, by the way)and I was reminded again how much I love Ignition Remix which has been bouncing around in my head ever since! If you do click the link and watch the video to Ignition Remix I strongly suggest that you keep your eyes on the fat guy in the fur coat standing around behind R Kelly, I love that guy. I think his job is just to stand around and shake his head at all of the shenanigans.

Sunday dawned bright and sunny, and Nic and I had a reasonably early start. Lauren and Ben called round, because Lauren had some presents for me! She and Ben had bought me some beautiful Hornsea Heirloom spice jars in an antiques market in Warwick, and she also gave me some fantastic rubber ducky earrings and brought me a book to read. I felt very spoiled! They didn't stay as they were off to have lunch, and Nic and I headed out into the sunshine shortly afterwards. I celebrated by wearing some open toed sandals and bought Nic an ice-cream (mint choc chip) in Jephson Gardens.


Nic with his first ice-cream cone of the year

We went to the Vintage and Craft fair that was being held in Spencer Yard, and I bought Nic some gorgeous cufflinks made from Scrabble tiles. We had some debate over which letters to buy, possibilities included his initials. We settled instead on L and R so he could always know which was which. He bought me some beautiful earrings from the same stand, shaped like little bicycles!

After that we walked up to Newbold Comyn and had a drink in the stables, and then down along Leam Terrace to The New Inn. We bumped into Sugar Plum and N, who joined us for a drink and then we walked back up through town together before Nic and I went to The White Horse to read the paper and to enjoy a late lunch. It was a thoroughly blissful Sunday and I felt like all of the things I have been stressing about over the past few weeks were washed away. In the evening Nic and I watched the 70s remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the one with Donald Sutherland in it. I'd seen part of it before, but had never watched it the whole way through. It isn't as cool as the original (which is all kinds of awesome) but there are a lot of really good things about it and it is seriously creepy. I really enjoyed it, but was glad that I had been in good form when I sat down to watch it, I think if I had been feeling in any way blue it would have totally depressed me, the ending is pretty bleak. That said, a lot of the joy of the film comes from Donald Sutherland's cheeky smile - you get to see a lot of that. And I may have mentioned this before, but I have a big old crush on 70s Sutherland, so it was good for that reason! Next on my list to watch are Klute and Don't Look Now.

When I got home from work yesterday afternoon I met Nic in Leamington library and, as it happened, they were having their discarded book sale. It was excellent - I picked up Noah's Ark by Barbara Trapido (which I already have a copy of, but which has mysteriously disappeared and I am blaming Martha for that! I'm fairly sure she has my copy of Juggling as well.) and I also bought The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai, each for 10p, as well as a book about bad girls of the silver screen and one about Fred Astaire for Nic. He went a bit mad himself, and bought 17 books. 14 of them were some Indian comics he had owned as a child, and which are really hard to get hold of now. Our 21 books came to £2.50 and the price included a jute carrier bag, what a bargain!

I've been working from home today and getting some little jobs done, as the next two days are going to be pretty busy. I was very excited because the shoes I bought from Chaos Clothing at the weekend arrived this morning. They were beautifully packaged, arrived very quickly and I had nice emails from the girls in the shop - and the shoes are lovely! I wore them today with my Topshop tulip dress and my purple cardigan:


I have Friday off, and then at the weekend Nic and I are off to see Stan Tracey playing at The Bull's Head in Barnes, which should be fun - I'm looking forward to some adventuring!

Well, there is SOME talking. But mainly, it's just loads and loads of killings.

I'm shamelessly stealing an idea from Kate for this post.

5 books I have read more than twice

Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons
Martha recommended this one to me when she and I first met. Her recommendations are (nearly) always good, and she was right about this. I laughed out loud the whole way through, and the end makes my heart soar. It's one that I have returned to when I've been in need of a friend.


The Pineapple Tart by Anne Dunlop
I have blogged about this wonderful book before, so I won't repeat myself, but this is one of those books that I have read so many times vast swathes of text are committed to my memory.


The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
I've read this one more than twice out of necessity, because I studied it for A-level English literature. I've read it more than twice out of pleasure as well. I find the world of this book fascinating, and I fall in love with Ellen Olenska each time I read it. I hated the film though, because it sucked.


It by Stephen King
This book scares the ever-living crap out of me but I love it. I read it for the first time after watching the awesome TV mini-series starring Richard "John-Boy Walton" Thomas, Tim "Frank N Furter" Curry and Tim "Ray from Sister Sister" Reid. That's something I need to buy on DVD! Anyway, the book is excellent. It has some well-known King ideas, like the troubled writer and the evil that lurks in small towns, and it has lots of really scary set pieces. Well worth reading, as long as you have a night-light.


Bread and Jam for Frances by Russell Hoban
Frances's parents give in and allow her to only eat bread and jam. She's very happy about this to begin with, but soon begins to change her mind. This book is awesome, that's all I have to say on the matter.

Oh, everyone knows Go, Johnny, Go, Go, Go, Go....It’s like a cross between Hoover and Eight Men Down.

I thought about writing a blog about how hideous the end of last week was, but I decided against it. Because, although it was pretty bad, it's over now. And also this week is nearly over, so it would be OLD news, so you've all been spared that sorry tale!

After a pretty intense few weeks, things are starting to look up a bit. I was in London today but was able to get home from work at a decent hour and Nic met me at the station in actual daylight, which was quite a thrill. Work is still going to be busy for the next month or so, but I think with a few more spaces in between the really intense periods, which will make life easier. It helps so much that the people I work with are so great, I feel genuinely lucky to be working with such a motivated and kind and interesting group of people and although the past few weeks have been very tough I don't at all regret the change in jobs.

I've had some good news from home as well, my granddad is out of hospital and my dad has been able to see him. This is a great relief to me because, as worried as I was about granddad, I was very worried about Daddy. He seems to have found a strategy for dealing with the stuff that has been going on with his siblings, and he feels much more positive as a result. Talking to him today reminded me of how alike he and I are in how we react to stress and the things that make us feel stressed. The main thing that was upsetting him last week when granddad was ill was not knowing what he should do for the best, and the indecision was paralysing, and I am just the same. Usually once I have decided on how I am going to deal with something, however difficult, I feel better about it. This is something that has contributed to the upswing in my mood, in fact. Having been faced with a fairly difficult situation over the weekend myself, finding a way to approach it that seemed right has made me feel like a weight has been lifted, and for that I am very grateful.

Another thing I am profoundly grateful for is the support I have found in my friends, both in person and here, online. Last week was very tough, and I was able to struggle through it only with help. So, I'm going to get a bit slushy here and say thank you to Caroline, Lauren and Kate for kind thoughts and comments here, to Louise for her witty and supportive emails, and to Sugar Plum and Martha for mopping up my tears in train stations, pubs and parks in this past week. You have all been fantastic, and I count myself very lucky to have you around me. This afternoon, I was reading The Vine, the advice column run by the very wise and funny Sarah Bunting, and I found this quote:

In jail, I wondered what a friend is, and what it means to trust. But maybe it's just, when you tell the story of yourself, you don't have to leave things out. - Norberto Felix-Cruz

I couldn't help but think how apt this was just right now.

Anyway, moving on! It's time for me to go and make my dinner now. No outfit shot today, I've got London all over me and am not feeling particularly photogenic. Instead, here is a photo Nic took of me last summer, while we were enjoying a picnic in Jephson Gardens. It's starting to feel warm enough and spring-like enough that I can daydream about lazy summer afternoons spent in just this way, so here is a photo to get us going.

That Merril! She makes me sick! She'll put a bag in the bag but she won't put the bag in the book!

I'm finally getting around to writing this blog post I have been planning for ages. Maybe tomorrow I will write about the crazy awful week I had last week, but for now, here it is. I like a lot of pretty uncool stuff, and I am not one bit ashamed of that. Here are some of the totally uncool things I like:

Star Trek: The Next Generation
I'm by no means a Trekkie, I have no interest at all in watching any of the other serials, but I love Star Trek: TNG. I'm not even embarrassed about that, not one tiny bit. I think it's brilliant. I love the main cast, and I am a sucker for any ensemble drama. True, some of the stories are really silly but to some extent this is something that the show is aware of and even revels in a little bit. Some of the sillier episodes, for example the one where the enterprise crew end up as Robin Hood and his merry men, are some of the best. This one is one of my favourites, because it is hilarious.
I am NOT a merry man.

They are so obviously having fun, and you can always see this clearly in Patrick Stewart's acting. On a slightly more serious note, I think that another strength is the show's humanist vibe. So many episodes hinge on the idea of respecting life and the Enterprise's mission is exploratory, but the prime directive is not to interfere with alien cultures and civilisations. As I discussed in my earlier blog, empathy and understanding are prized. This can sometimes lead to clunky dialogue, but usually it means the episodes have a good mix of action and thoughtfulness. Mostly, though, I enjoy watching it because it is fun and it makes me happy.

Doctor Who
Okay, but I mean everything pre-Russell T. Davies. This seems even more uncool given the massive media love-in about RTD's departure and about David Tennant, but I have a real problem with this era of Who. I won't go into that here, though, but basically Tennant and Davies can BITE ME. Anyway, for reasons unknown to me, the least fashionable Doctor is my favourite - the third Doctor, played by Jon Pertwee. Structurally, the stories are radically different from the Who that has been on our screens recently. Inferno plays out over seven half hour episodes, and it needs every minute of those episodes to tell the story. The stories from this era are often quite serious and, as the Doctor has been confined to Earth a lot of the stories have to have more depth. Inferno and The Green Death are both about environmental and moral issues about the Earth's resources. Doctor Who and The Silurians is about clashes of civilisations and it ends on a very thoughtful note, prompting the audience to think about what it means to be a living creature. Jon Pertwee's Doctor is a scientist, as is his first companion, Liz Shaw. The Doctor is dashing and he is a bit of a dandy, but he is serious and has morals and I like that a lot. There are lots of excellent companions in the classic episodes of Doctor Who as well. The first Doctor's companions, Ian and Barbara, are teachers that he has abducted. They are among my favourite companions, they adapt to the challenge of travelling in the TARDIS with the unpredictable and often untrustworthy Doctor, and they always throw themselves into every adventure. Barbara is the most important character in the amazing serial The Aztecs.
Oh, don't you see? If I could start the destruction of everything that's evil here... then everything that is good would survive when Cortez lands.

Over the years the Doctor has had some fantastic companions, and I could spend an entire post talking about UNIT and Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, but I won't just now. In short, despite all of the criticisms of Doctor Who, I like it a lot. Even the often criticised 80s Sylvester McCoy serials like Survival, which I think is great, even if it does have Hale and Pace in it.

The music of Kate Bush
Okay, clearly Kate Bush is not unfashionable because lots of people like her music. A fair few of my friends think she sucks, but I love Kate Bush. Listening to her records always makes me want to dance around, especially Wuthering Heights. Oh and also, The Hounds of Love. And let's not forget Cloudbusting which is so awesome it has Donald Sutherland in the video (Oh, and late 70s/early 80s Donald Sutherland = HOT, in my opinion.) I don't think I need to write a long defence of Kate Bush, but I love the drama in her music, and the strings, and even the 80s synth. And maybe sometimes when I'm feeling giddy I put Wuthering Heights on the stereo, mime along, and try to dance like she does in the video. I rock. Ooooh, let me have it, let me grab your soul....

I wish I was a chestnut tree, nourished by the sun, with leaves and twigs and branches, and conkers by the ton.

I'm wrapped up in Nic's fleecy dressing gown right now, under a blanket on the sofa. Yup, I'm feeling a wee bit lurgied! It's all been a bit full on round here recently, and I think I am a bit run down. Luckily for me, Nic is extremely efficient at looking after me when I'm ill, so I should be fine.

I hope you all had a good weekend. I had endured a very busy week at work, and was looking forward to resting and having fun at the weekend. Nic and I had a very quiet Friday night in with some wine and a DVD, and then I had a much-needed lie in on Saturday. The dress I had bought on Ebay arrived so I was able to wear that on Saturday, along with my 50p bargain Dorothy Perkins tights!

I was nice and domesticated on Saturday, catching up with some housework and getting to play with my new vacuum cleaner. I know that this probably means that I am officially very old and boring, but I am so pleased with it. We bought a new kettle last week and got a voucher entitling to us to 20% off anything we bought in Robert Dyas. I think I have mentioned before about how dire our vacuum cleaner was, so Nic thought it would be a good chance to buy a new one. He went along on Friday morning and bought us a Hoover upright vacuum cleaner. It's this one:

I vacuumed the flat on Saturday and, where it would have taken a few hours to do with the crappy old vacuum cleaner, it took around half an hour with the new one. The floors are clean and bright, and this made me very happy!

On Saturday evening we headed out with Sugar Plum and N to celebrate Lauren's birthday. I had only planned to stay out for a few hours, but we ended up making a night of it. Tom joined us, and Caroline and Ben and Lauren's friend Vicky were there also. After closing time we headed back to our house to drink champagne and eat chips. It was excellent, it isn't often that I'm the person who suggests extending the party, but I was enjoying myself so much. Nic and I didn't get to bed until 4 am, much later than I had intended!

On Sunday it was bright and sunny so Nic and I walked along to the tip shop to give them our old vacuum cleaner and have a browse around before walking over to The Saxon Mill in Warwick with Viv. It was a little bit too cold to sit outside, but we settled down inside for a few drinks and something to eat. It was a very enjoyable way to spend our Sunday, and walking back through the fields in the dark was beautiful.

The weekend wasn't as quiet as I had planned for it to be, but this worked out for the best, I think. On Sunday I heard that my grandfather had suffered a heart attack and was in hospital. It's the second heart attack he has had this year, and for various complicated family reasons, my dad isn't able to go to the hospital to see him. It was very upsetting to speak to my dad and hear how upset he is and not to be able to do anything, and I was lucky to have both Nic and Viv around to talk things through with.

I think because of the bad news from home, I slept very badly on Sunday night and had a variety of troubling dreams. In one of them I was trying to catch a bus. The bus stop was at the top of a hill in my home town, and I was in a hurry. It was a fairly standard anxiety dream in that when I tried to walk to the bus stop I couldn't, my legs felt rooted to the spot and I had to drag them along in a very painful way. There were lots of elderly men on the path who were reaching out their hands to help me along, and eventually I reached the bus stop, where one of my aunts was waiting for me. I woke up at that point, and felt very distressed. I was even a little bit surprised when I got out of bed and found that I was able to walk. Last night I dreamed that I was at my grandparents' house, but outside it rather than indoors. My friend Mrs Z was there, sitting in a rocking chair by the door, nursing her baby. I sat on the front step to chat to her, and it was very pleasant for a while, until someone else arrived and started acting in a very hostile way towards me. That was stressful too, and luckily I woke up before it escalated too much. At any time of stress my dreams are always very vivid and this is no exception, and although both were surreal in nature they were also very clearly linked to what is going on in my life at the moment.

Anyway, on to more cheerful topics. I was working from home today, which was much needed, and here is what I wore:
You can't really see it all that clearly in the photo, but I'm wearing the purple cardigan I bought last week in Warehouse.

I'm off out soon, braving the cold to see Sugar Plum and Martha in The White Horse for a coffee and a chat. I have a more cheerful blog planned for this evening, in which I am going to discuss some of the unfashionable things I like. See you then!

Every time it rains, you're here in my head, like the sun coming out. I just know that something good is going to happen!

I started to write this blog post into my notebook at lunchtime today, meaning to finish it on my train journey home. Instead, I wrote an email and read my book, and now I'm at home and my notebook is in my bag....I'm just starting afresh. I'm not really sure why I felt the need to share that with you, but it has been a long day!

Anyway, on with the business of this blog. I had a bit of a break between finishing reading Being Committed and starting something new (which I did on the train this evening, The Little Stranger by Sarah Waters for the Sew Make Believe book club. So far I like it a lot!) and I fell to thinking about making connections between what I have been reading, and what Nic has been reading, and life in general. Nic has been reading lots of comics recently, he's been enjoying finding and reading Batman Adventures (the comic version of Batman: The Animated Series) and Will Eisner's The Spirit. It's made me think about heroes, and superpowers, and so I asked myself if I was going to have a superpower, what would it be?

(I feel obliged to point out at this point that neither Batman nor The Spirit actually have superpowers. It's what makes them such interesting figures, I think)

I decided that my superpower, if I could have one, would be a heightened sense of empathy. I know it isn't as whizzy as the power of flight, or of being able to hypnotise people or anything else really cool, but I think that it would probably have more satisfying practical application in everyday life. Nic and I are unashamed geeks, and we're both partial to a bit of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Even though I like the character quite a lot, I can never resist taking the piss out of Deanna Troi.

"People come to talk to you about things they want to reveal. As ship's counselor you have to get them to talk about things they don't want to reveal"

For those of you that aren't enormous geeks like me, Troi is the ship's counsellor on board the Enterprise. She is half human and half Betazoid, and is an empath. I take the piss out of her mainly because her contribution is often risible - "I sense you feel angry" but I think it is really interesting that a character like this exists in the programme. She's a prominent character as well, she sits on the bridge next to the Captain as one of the ship's senior staff. And even though I take the piss out of her all the time, I think she is an interesting character, and I am envious of her (fictional) empathic abilities.

Of course, having a heightened sense of empathy wouldn't be all plain sailing. It would be tiring, for one thing, to be so aware of the emotional state of everyone around you. It would be difficult when dealing with people who are, for whatever reason, attempting to hide how they are feeling - do you allow them to continue to pretend, or do you draw them out? This would become even more complicated if you were dealing with someone who was suppressing or hiding feelings of hostility about you. That said, that's usually fairly obvious even without a Betazoid's empathic skills!

I think that there would be obvious benefits, however, to this. I am constantly feeling self-conscious in social situations and like I'm not quite adapting to situations in the desired way. A better idea of what the people around me were really feeling and thinking would remove some of this anxiety. I would be able to be a better friend, more attuned to what my friends are thinking and feeling, and what they need from me.

There would be some other, less fluffy perks to it. It would probably make it easier to do things like haggle, or gamble - you could be a whizz at poker if you could see past the poker faces! I suppose that would qualify as using your powers for evil, rather than for good.

I have rambled a little bit off topic here, sorry about that. The point is, though, that empathy isn't a superpower. Maybe this is why I take the piss out of poor old Troi so much, it's a skill that you can develop. It is possible to be more empathetic, I want to get better at it. The heroine in Anna Maxted's Being Committed gradually becomes more empathetic over the course of the novel, as she gets to understand herself better she gains a better understanding of those around her. It isn't always that straightforward, and one of the reasons why this has been in my mind recently has been the realisation that my understanding of the motives of the people around me isn't what it could be, and I have made a few serious mistakes because of this. I want to get better at reading people and understanding what they are feeling, partly so that I can be a better person myself, and partly because I don't want to keep repeating the same mistakes. So, you know, if you can acquire and develop a superpower, that is the one I want to be working on.

Now, that was very meandering, my apologies. It has been one of those weeks! Nic is in the process of making me dinner, so I'm away now to eat that, and then maybe to watch some more Doctor Who: Inferno. I rock, don't I?!


Evil "Brigade Leader" Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart. What a dude!

So you're my replacements! A dandy and a clown!

For the sake of fairness, I really should start this blog off by saying that I have NO CRAIC at all, seriously. It's going to be quite a boring one, but the next wee while is going to be really busy and I might not have the chance to update too much, so there we are.

In my defence, it has been a super-busy couple of days. The projects I'm working on have kicked into gear and there is a lot of work to do in a short space of time. My job doesn't normally involve a lot of printing and photocopying, but it is what I have been doing a lot of for the past week. I had a very long day on Monday, leaving the house at 7am and not getting home until after 8pm. I consoled myself on the long day by buying a sandwich and a vanilla macaron from Paul on my way home, which was amazing.

I worked from home yesterday and today and have been pretty busy again. I was feeling really rough all day yesterday, but back on good form today. It definitely helps that the sun has come out, and that I can go out and about with bare legs. I have been enjoying wearing my variety of coloured tights but it is nice to have the option not to. I know it's just wishful thinking, and it'll probably turn really cold again soon, but I am going to make the most of it! I wore one of my new dresses today:
Fever Copacabana sun dress and my new Irregular Choice Matronix shoes. Hurrah!
I am very pleased with this dress, it isn't one that I would have naturally gravitated towards in the catalogue, but I love how it looks on and I think it is very flattering. I'm looking forward to being able to wear it in the summer with sandals, rather than covering it up with my cardigan (not pictured, but I have a lovely bright pink cardigan from M&S to wear with it) Speaking of cardigans, actually, I bought a lovely purple one yesterday from Warehouse. It was reduced, and I've been eyeing it for a while, so I was very happy. At least, I was until I caught sight of my face in one of House of Fraser's billions of mirrors and realised I looked ghoulish with tiredness!

I'm going to have to be very restrained with the spending for the rest of the month, because we've just paid the electricity bill and need to buy a new vacuum cleaner and also because it is Nic's birthday next week and we have plans to celebrate it properly at the end of the month, so I'll need to keep money back for that. That said, I have just bought a wee dress on eBay and will keep my eye out for good bargains between now and the end of the month also! I have some plans for April involving my Fever discount, however, including:

Scribble dress. I tried this one on in Aspire on Saturday and, I think it might need a wee bit of alteration at the top, but the skirt is so floaty and gorgeous!

Amazon maxi dress. The picture doesn't really do this lovely justice, but it is very glamorous.

Anyhow, enough about dresses (for this blog post, at any rate!)

As I have been spending LOTS of time on the trains over these past few weeks I have been getting lots of reading done. I picked up Some Tame Gazelle by Barbara Pym in The Works last Sunday, and read it very quickly. It was her first novel, and is characteristically delicate and funny. It tells the story of two spinster sisters and their romantic notions. As with her other novels, she writes very humorously about social niceties, and rivalries, and feeling awkward, and quite often I found myself laughing out loud. After that, I very quickly read Being Committed by the wonderful Anna Maxted. It was one that I found difficult to put down, because it was so good. I won't describe the plot, but I will say that her novels are well worth reading. They are quite different to the kinds of novels I usually read, but I have read three of her novels now and loved each one. I'm at a bit of a reading loose end right now, I'm going to have to have a poke around my bookcase and see what is waiting to be read. I need to get back into my writing as well - I've had a bit of a break from it over the past month or so because I've been feeling so emotional, and I didn't want my ideas to be too coloured by what was going on in my life as I want to write about friendship. I'm feeling steadier now, so I need to get back into it.

Nic bought a new stylus for his record player and he's currently playing my single of Boys Don't Cry by The Cure...hopefully he'll put on some Kate Bush soon and I can go and have a jump around the room to Wuthering Heights. YES! Aaaah...no, instead he has put on some Ian Dury, so I'm going to leave you with that....

...Van Gogh did some eyeball pleasers
He must have been a pencil squeezer
He didn't do the Mona Lisa
That was some Italian geezer

There ain't half been some clever bastards
(lucky bleeders, lucky bleeders)
There ain't half been some clever bastards

Einstein can't be classed as witless
He claimed atoms were the littlest
When he did a bit of split-em-ness
He frightened everybody shitless

There ain't half been some clever bastards
(Probably had help from their mums, who had help from their mums)
Now that we've had some
Let's hope that there's much more to come....