"I will never be the woman with perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it." In defence of Sex and the City

Last night Nic and I went to see Sex and The City 2. I'd read lots of negative reviews of the movie. In fact, I think the best review I read was pretty lukewarm and so my expectations were lower than normal.

I found most of the reviews I did read of the movie, and of the series in general (although I suppose you could now call it a franchise) to be pretty objectionable. I'm tired of that Family Guy quote about Sarah-Jessica Parker's looks being recycled, and I'm tired of hearing the women in the series being described as whores. One especially hateful review went so far as to criticise the looks of Cynthia Nixon's partner, a person who has precisely nothing to do with the movie or the show. It's lazy journalism and it's hateful towards women as well.

I love Sex and The City. I'm a feminist, I'm an intelligent woman, and I love Sex and The City. An ex bought me the box set of the complete series as a gift on Valentine's Day a number of years ago, and I'm surprised I haven't burned holes through some of the discs, they have been watched so often. It isn't chewing gum for the eyes, nor is it a form of Stockholm Syndrome. I have the capacity to watch the show over and over again because it is well-written, funny and has something intelligent to say about women, their lives, relationships and working.



One of the reviews that I read was by Tanya Gold for the Independent. You can read it here, although I rather wish I hadn't. Like many of the reviews I've read which slate the show and the movies, this one appears to be badly researched and full of inaccuracies - speaking to me of someone who is criticising a show they haven't watched, based on assumptions they've made about its content. Tanya Gold tells me I'm stupid to think that Sex and the City has any feminist agenda, and I disagree with her.

I do have criticisms of the show. It has weaknesses, certainly. Some of the dialogue is trite in the extreme, and some of the puns are headdesk cringeworthy. It can be difficult to sympathise with each of the women at various points over the run of the show, but then I think that's the case with any long-running series.

However, the strengths of the show are many and real. In an article in The Guardian, Hadley Freeman writes that, while some of the puns are tired, a lot of the dialogue had genuine emotional truth. The four women are intelligent and successful, and they have problems and make mistakes. They have disagreements and misunderstandings, they have different outlooks and different needs and these are negotiated in the show. The show is a fantasy, and a fun one, but it does have some real and meaningful things to say, if your ears are open to hearing them.

Some criticism has focused on the show's lack of realism - how can a freelance writer afford to have so many designer shoes, who in their right mind would keep going back to Big etc. This bothers me for two reasons. One is that, well - I think these people are seeing realism as a virtue rather than as an artistic mode and the other one is that the show doesn't purport to absolute realism. Why would it? Furthermore, criticising Sex and the City for being about wealthy white American women is like criticising Edith Wharton for writing The Age of Innocence about wealthy white American women. Or like criticising Zora Neale Hurston for writing about black women - it's just stupid. Focusing on one group of people is not the same as denying the existence of another group of people. This is not a thesis on twentieth century living, it's a television programme.

And it's a bloody good television show, in my opinion. It's thoughtful and honest about the relationships between people. Carrie's relationship with Big dominates her emotional landscape for the majority of the show. She treats Aidan very badly when she cheats on him with Big, and ultimately comes to the painful realisation that sometimes perfect isn't what's right. I think I'm alone in my friends in not being irritated that she ends up with Big, but I think the emotional truth that Hadley Freeman talks about is there at the end when Big realises that he has to make changes to his attitude to make a life with Carrie. Charlotte realises that while you can put on a brave face to other people about what's going on in your relationship, you can't lie to yourself, and she ends her seemingly perfect marriage to Trey. There's real emotional truth there, and a good deal of humour too.

What keeps bringing me back to the show, and I suspect that I'm not alone in this, is the friendship shared between the four women. In the episode Shortcomings Carrie's voice-over tells us:

The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don’t. But, in the end, they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes it’s the family you’re born into and sometimes it’s the one you make for yourself.

As the voiceover plays we see Carrie finding her friends in a cafe and greeting them warmly before sitting down to spend time with them - it's clear that the relationship shared by the four women is a defining and important one; they're the family Carrie talks about. But this isn't portrayed in a fluffy, sugary way. They are different, they disagree and they get on one another's nerves. They can be downright rude - at one point Charlotte shouts at Samantha "Is your vagina in the New York City guidebook? Because it should be! It's the hottest spot in town, it's always open!" In fact, I'll admit here that it's sometimes a mystery to me why the other women would even be friends with Charlotte because she is frequently awful. In a society where it seems to be perfectly fine to say "Women are bitchy" as a statement of fact, it's refreshing to see this kind of honesty in friendship. It would be easy to get the drama from the women subtly undermining one another, or by bitching about each other in secret. I'm not saying these things don't happen in friendships - of course they do, but the friendships we see on the screen are positive ones, and I think it is to the show's credit that it resists the temptation to follow the 'women are bitches' stereotype.

In her article Hadley Freeman laments the way in which the movies seem to have lost many of the show's admirable qualities. I can't disagree with her in relation to the first movie. I enjoyed it, but it was pretty dismal. It had none of the joy of the series, and little of the warmth and humour. I think Sex and the City 2 has gained some ground, however, and I was surprised by just how much I found to like about it. Of course I have criticisms - entirely too much of the film was spent in Abu Dhabi, the 'aye begorrah' Irish nanny was the kind of racist stereotype about Ireland that should have disappeared years ago, and the movie was just TOO BLOODY LONG. I was uncomfortable also with some of the Samantha taking all kinds of hormones to stay young shenanigans.

However, the movie had lots of intelligent things to say. Carrie is concerned that married life is knocking the sparkle out of her relationship with Big and together they try to negotiate a way to write the relationship rules for themselves. I wished this had been given more screentime, to be honest, because it was thoughtful and sensitive. How do you negotiate living together every day, and wanting different things, and making time for yourselves and one another? How does marriage change a relationship? The movie asks intelligent questions about this, and I found it thought-provoking. It did much the same about motherhood, and the scene in which Charlotte breaks down in the pantry of her house was genuinely moving. Some of the set pieces - such as the girls doing karaoke in Abu Dhabi - were a bit cheesy, but there was joy there. It was good to have the women together, supporting one another and having fun together.

So, the movie had some faults. Parts of it were just weird (and the 45 minutes at the end in the Souk were just interminable) but on the whole, I liked it. I'll watch it again, I'd like to think more about the questions it asks about making long-term relationships work.

I don't want any publicity - get too many begging letters. If they're anything like the ones I send out I don't want to know!

Well now, it's been a funny week and that's why there's been a bit of a break in transmission. It's Bank Holiday Monday now though, and my holiday is imminent, and I'm feeling pretty happy.

So, on Thursday we got the news that the NDPB I work for is being closed down. We got a letter from the Secretary of State confirming that in the autumn the coalition government will be introducing a bill into Parliament to abolish us. It didn't come as a great surprise because it's been talked about for some time, but it was a nasty shock all the same. I was grateful to be in work to get the news because we were all able to be there for one another, and then on Friday the manager of the group I work in gave us the morning to discuss it and ask questions. As it will take an act of parliament to abolish the organisation, my job isn't immediately threatened. In addition to this, I work on programmes that will have to continue so that's okay too. It isn't a great situation to be in but I'm much luckier than most. My friends and family have been amazing as well. Immediately that we got the news I called Nic, and then I spoke to my dad and to Sugar Plum, all of whom had wise words and lots of love for me. In fact, I have been really touched by all of the people who have shown concern and support, the majority of whom don't even work in the education sector and wouldn't be expected to know what my organisation does.

Anyway, that's the update there. I was determined not to let the coalition government ruin my weekend (and I felt even better after I further grafittied the picture of our PM I have stuck to the fridge) and so on Friday night I headed out to the pub. Alysa had organised a little get-together and she had even baked. It was brilliant, and I had a wonderful night. As always in the Somerville there ended up being a big group of us and it was excellent to be among such good friends. I wore the dress that I bought earlier in the week in the Myton Hospice shop on Warwick street:


I'm really pleased with this dress. It didn't have much hanger appeal, but I picked it up thinking that I could alter it or use the fabric for something else but I really like the way it looks. I nearly didn't get it because I tried to pay for it with an Ulster Bank £10 note. Two of the ladies working in the shop were happy to accept it (being that it's sterling and, you know, actual real money) but one jobsworth lady wouldn't let them. I'm used to that, and wouldn't have been annoyed except for that she took great pains to tell me that she would accept a Scottish note, just not the Northern Irish ones. They won't discriminate against the Scots, but they will against the Irish, apparently. Anyway, I got some real money out of the bank (as opposed to the Bank of Toytown crap we use in NI) and came back for the dress - which took the nice ladies by surprise, and they apologised to me lots. Still...grr!

The utterly miserable weather meant that Nic and I had a very quiet Saturday. He did a little bit of work. I got out the sewing pattern and fabric I had bought earlier in the week and marked and cut the pattern out and started on it. With the help of Sugar Plum and Martha I finished it off yesterday. It's far from perfect, and I think I'd like to take it in a little bit, but I am so pleased that I did this by myself:





The fact that it is also in red polka dot fabric is a coincidence, but obviously somewhere in my subconscious I think that Minnie Mouse is very stylish! I really enjoyed making the dress, and it was nice to have the time to sit down and make something. I went to a dressmaking evening class over a year ago that really knocked my confidence, and I learned more in a few hours of pottering away by myself than I did in 5 weeks of that stupid class. I have a pattern for a halterneck dress with a circle skirt that I think I'll try next, and I've even seen some fabric in a shop in Leamington to work with. It isn't something I'm going to do all the time because it is time consuming, but I'm looking forward to doing a bit more sewing in the near future. I won't bore you all with every sewing adventure (or misadventures) but it is an enjoyable thing to do all the same.

After I'd tidied up, Nic and I went down to the cinema to watch Sex and the City 2. I'll write a proper review later, but I thought it had very many good points. I had expected it to really suck, and while there were some really sucky moments, there were lots of good things too. After the movie, Nic and I went for dinner and then on to Wilde's to have a few glasses of wine and hear Kelly and Shanade playing. It was lovely - the gig was great, and Wilde's is a nice venue, it was extremely romantic. It was good practice for all the time I'm going to spend this week listening to music and drinking wine in basement bars!

Today I'll be spending some time with Sugar Plum and Martha, reading (Sacred Hearts by Sarah Dunant. A Martha recommendation, and one I'm really enjoying) and doing lots and lots of ironing, because we're heading off quite early tomorrow morning. I'll tell you all about it on our return!

I am NOT interested in starting some married man's car!

Aaaah, a new day and things seem a bit brighter. The work situation still isn't great but it looks like my organisation may have been granted a stay of execution in so far as it seems like there are no immediate plans to disband us. I suppose I always knew that a quango was a risky place to be in the event of a change of government but I like my job and really hope I don't lose it! Anyway, that's the update there - I won't be signing on just yet.

Well, it's time for me to write about what I've been up to. I have some ground to cover so don't feel like you have to read this whole thing...I'll try to break it up with some pictures anyway to make it less boring.

So...I broke up work for my holidays the Friday before last, the 14th May. I had to be in our London office for an important handover of materials. I don't like going to London on a Friday, because of the way it prolongs my work day, but I had a really nice day. I was feeling a bit demob happy, I think, and the sun was shining, and I had a pub lunch with some of my colleagues which was all good. I caught the nice train home and then had an evening in the pub with good friends.

On Saturday Nic had a surprise planned which turned out to be another boat trip! We went over to Birmingham in the morning and spent the morning pottering around. We had lunch in the Mailbox and discovered that BBC Birmingham had some exciting Doctor Who props:




It was very cool, apparently they'd only had them in for a few days and had lots of people stopping to have their photo taken like we were. Nic and I are going to go on a tour of the studios soon, it's where The Archers is recorded! Anyway, after that we headed down to Gas Street to go on a barge trip around some of Birmingham's canals. It had been organised to mark the beginning of Birmingham Jazz Festival and, as such, entertainment was being provided by the trumpeter Digby Fairweather. He was really marvellous, a beautiful trumpet player and a gentlemanly performer. The weather was beautiful and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

News that the volcanic ash cloud was closing Northern Irish airspace didn't worry me unduly on Saturday evening but I woke up on Sunday morning to find that our flight that afternoon had been cancelled. I was so disappointed, I can't tell you. I got on the phone to our airline, who booked us on a flight for the following afternoon but of course there was no guarantee that it would fly. I spoke to my parents, who told me to try to enjoy the day and let them know what was happening. Nic and I did try to enjoy our Sunday, but I was utterly exhausted and pretty miserable about not being able to go home. We had a potter around the continental market that was being run on the Parade, and read the paper in the garden of Cafe Corleone, and had dinner with an episode of Morse. Airspace was still closed when we woke up on the Monday morning and if anything, I was less optimistic about the prospects of getting home. I was starting to make plans in my head around going back to work, and taking my leave at a later time...and the thought of doing that was making me want to boke. As I couldn't get through to the airline on the phone, and the Birmingham airport website wasn't working, Nic and I decided to go to the airport. Airspace opened again at 1, our flight was at 5...and as you know, I did make it home. It was only a minor delay, and I know lots of people had suffered far worse, but it was an additional layer of stress that I just did not need.

It was amazing to be greeted by my parents at the airport, though. The big cuddle I got from my daddy made up for the stress, and that evening he rearranged our return flights (we had planned to return on Friday but he booked us new flights to come back on Sunday instead) and it just felt so nice to be home.

Tuesday morning dawned bright and sunny, so we took our cups of tea out to the pond in the garden to enjoy the sunshine:





After a leisurely morning Nic and I took a walk down the road to the nearby Black Lough. As loughs go it's a little one, but I love it down there. My dad and I took Nic down there for a walk on his first night in Northern Ireland a few years ago and ever since then, he's loved it too. The view you get of Dungannon from there is lovely - it looks so pretty all nestled in the hills:


We dandered around the lough and then my dad collected us and took us over to Aughnacloy to have lunch in my sister's cafe, Coffee Bean. From there we headed over to Cookstown and had a look around the shops there. Nothing too exciting, but it just felt so nice to be at home!

On Wednesday Daddy had an appointment in Omagh, and asked if Nic and I would like to spend a few hours there while he was working. Nic had never been, and I hadn't been to Omagh for a fair few years, so off we went. It was very nice - we had lunch in Serendipity Cafe on Bridge Street, which I can highly recommend. We visted the Garden of Remembrance that was built in memory of the victims of the Omagh bomb in 1998, and had a walk along the river Strule. I was surprised by how upset and emotional I felt in the Garden of Remembrance. I had been in Donegal at the Gaeltacht on the day the bomb went off - it was our last day there and we found out as we were getting ready to go out to the ceili on the last night. Our coach home to Dungannon went via Omagh, and being on the coach home with people from Omagh, and travelling through the devestated town the following day is something I'll never forget.

Anyway, that evening Nic and I had made plans to go out for drinks with my good friend Paul. We met again in Hagan's Bar in Dungannon, and despite my plans to be good and get to bed early, we ended up staying until closing time. Again, we had a brilliant night and I must say again what a good bar Hagan's really is. At the end of the night, when we thought we might not be able to get a taxi home the barman Dessie offered to take us home! As it was he was able to get us a taxi, but that's the kind of bar it is. It was amazing to spend time with Paul again and I had a thoroughly enjoyable night.

We were up early on Thursday morning to catch the bus to Belfast. Nic was somewhat hungover (as a result of switching from Guinness to Morgan's Spiced and coke partway through the evening, I think) and he did not enjoy the bus journey! Once we were out into the fresh air he was fine, however. First stop was the waterfront, or the Titanic Quarter as it has been renamed. I was very tickled by the offer of a 'Titanic Boat Tour' of the River Lagan (er...no thanks!) and even more so by the slogan She was fine when she left here! Nic met the Lagan Big Fish:



We had a potter around some of the vintage shops, and Nic abated his hangover by getting a slice of pizza from Little Wing Pizza, which was delicious. We went up to Botanic Avenue for a cup of tea and a browse around No Alibis bookshop before having lunch in Cafe Renoir. Then we enjoyed the sunshine in the Botanic Gardens before spending the rest of our afternoon in the Ulster Museum. I haven't been in since it was closed for refurbishment, and have been wanting to take Nic there ever since we've been together. We had an excellent afternoon, and I especially enjoyed all of the Natural History section. We walked down University Road to get back to the bus station and stopped into Bookfinders Bookshop and cafe for a cup of tea and to rest our tired wee feet. It was the perfect way to spend the day in Belfast! We met my parents back in Dungannon, they were shopping in the Tesco next to Beech Valley Bus Station:


Nic was a bit surprised to meet Holmes and Watson in Dungannon.


Tayto! You can understand why I'm looking so happy in this photo.

Friday was a very lazy day - our only lie-in of the whole week, and we didn't do much except walk into Dungannon for an ice-cream and a look in the shops. On Saturday we went back over to Aughnacloy to spend the day there. My dad is involved with the development association in the town, and Saturday was the grand opening of the McCready Mill Gardens. The development association entered a UTV competition called Glorious Gardens last year, to have a neglected space turned into a garden. They won one of the places and TV gardener Eugene Higgins designed a garden at the end of last year. UTV filmed it in October and they were there to film the opening on Saturday. My sister's cafe was providing the lunch, and the mayor gave a speech as did one of the members of the association. It was a bit like a village fete, and it was lovely. Nic and I helped with setting out the tables and making the drinks and suchlike, and sat around in the sun enjoying ourselves. I'll let y'all know when it's on TV, you might see us lurking around in the background. Afterwards we stopped by to see my aunt and uncle and some of my cousins, before heading over to see my grandmother. On Saturday evening we had planned to go out with my siblings, back to Hagan's bar. It took my sisters a while to get ready but it was worth it - Colleen cut my hair and blow-dried it, and we were good to go:


My siblings and I by the pond, with a wee blow-in. Daniel, Kelly, me, Colleen and our friend Mary

We had another lovely night - Hagan's was much busier, but just as nice. There were a big crowd of us, including our cousin Brian, and we had lots of fun. Paul came out again as well, which was an extra treat. Despite getting home early, we got to bed very late and I didn't sleep well. We had to get up early as we were flying from Dublin this time, but I had a nice sleep in the car on the way down. I was sad to say goodbye to my parents, but glad to have had such a lovely week and very grateful for the opportunity to stay a little bit longer.

We got back to Leamington early enough to enjoy some of the sunshine, so Nic and I took ourselves down to the park to sunbathe. We were lucky enough to run into Tom, and spent a very pleasant afternoon there with him. I had planned to go to the vintage fair that was being held in the Pump Rooms, but all things considered I'm glad that I didn't. It was better to be in the sunshine, I think. I took myself to bed early and Nic and I caught up on Doctor Who (pretty good, although the new Silurians do look crap) and The Junior Apprentice on the iplayer. Of course I was distressed midway through by the news about the cuts, which somewhat marred the end of my holiday, but I suppose I've been through that!

Anyway, that's the update on my adventures in Northern Ireland! I hope I didn't bore you all too much with it. I think this week is going to be a quiet one - I'm going to see Sugar Plum and Martha, and hopefully Lauren as well. I hope to get through some laundry so that I have clean and ironed clothes to take to Paris, seeing an old friend on Saturday and hopefully not getting any more stressed out by work. Well, we'll have to wait and see on that last one I suppose!

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts...what's so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I do want to write a nice long blog about the adventures Nic and I had in Northern Ireland (after the volcanic ash cloud buggered away out of NI airspace and we were able to catch a flight) but right now I'm feeling a wee bit uninspired. Government cuts mean that my job is under threat and it's been a stressful day - a NI update in a few days.

Until then, it's time for a list!

Five songs that mean something to me
I don't like calling things favourite because there is so much out there to like - so I can't say that I have one favourite song. Instead here are five songs that have touched me and are meaningful to me in some way, in no particular order:

Tonight We Fly - The Divine Comedy


I love The Divine Comedy very much. I think my interest in them initially stemmed from the fact that they were local, but it did become much more than that. Neil Hannon is often described as a fop or a dandy, both of which are fairly good descriptions. His music is full of references to literature and film, and more importantly than that, it is full of the undefined and all-consuming longing that characterised my teenage years. Tonight We Fly is the final song on the beautiful album Promenade and it's a little bit of magical realism. The entire album is a treat, but for me this song perfectly captured the feeling of the endless possibilities of love.

Sinner - Neil Finn


Sinner comes from Neil Finn's first solo album Try Whistling This. I'm a big fan of Crowded House (and Split Enz, to a lesser degree) and have a great deal of affection for Neil Finn's solo music as well. I wasn't bowled over by this song on first hearing, but the single release included the live recording I've linked to above, and I was sold. It might be because I was an atheist at a catholic school that I identify with this song, but it has become more important to me as I've grown older. I don't like to pick apart every line for an interpretation, but it speaks to my feelings of guilt (catholic or not) and the difficulty of finding contentment and peace with yourself. Also, I love it because of Neil Finn's voice, which is just incomparable.

Silent All These Years - Tori Amos


My teenage years were full of important red-headed women: Anne Shirley, Helen Gordon and Tori Amos. I used to dye my hair red and wish I was more like any or all of them. My love for Tori hasn't extended to her more recent work, I'm afraid to say, but her music from her first album Little Earthquakes up to Scarlet's Walk has helped to make me who I am today. It sounds cliched to say it, but it's true that when I was an awkward teenager who felt at odds with the world, and hopelessly out of place, Tori Amos's music spoke to me. I felt like it could be good to be different or sensitive or whatever. There are so many Tori songs that I could list here, but Silent All These Years is very powerful. I won't dissect it for you - just go and listen to it.

Letting Us Be - Paul Curreri


I played this song endlessly when Nic and I first fell in love, and it's probably clear why that is! Paul Curreri is such a wonderful performer, and the simple beauty of his words never fades:
The world seems open as to whether
we should lean together
Two candles melting into one wax
Seems our road has long existed
as two wicks that have been twisted
Think I'll love you til it all goes black

Independence Day - Elliott Smith


I don't actually think that this is Elliott Smith's best song, but as this is about songs that mean something to me that doesn't matter! I first became aware of his music when a boy I liked made me a tape with either/or on one side and XO on the other, and this is the song that first reeled me in. I can't listening to it without thinking of spring days, sitting on my windowsill (with my legs out the window - nice health and safety there, Roisin!) listening to this. I quickly bought the CD, and anything else I could get my hands on by Elliott Smith, and this one will always be very special to me as a result.

I'm going to leave you here with a little extra one. This is a song that doesn't mean anything to me emotionally, but which never fails to bring a smile to my face. I love it:

The Revenge of Lady Muck

I've been in Northern Ireland for just over 24 hours now, and it's brilliant to be home. Nic and I were booked on a flight on Sunday, which was cancelled because of volcanic ash. It was looking like we might not get home at all, but luckily NI airspace opened in time for our rescheduled flight to fly, and I'm home at last in the bosom of my family. I'll blog about it in more detail later, for now I'm going to give you an appropriately Northern Irish book review.

I've been waiting to read Anne Dunlop's new novel The Revenge of Lady Muck since it came out in March. I don't know why I was funny about buying it online, but I didn't want to and couldn't find it in the shops in England. Anyway, today when my parents took Nic and I to Cookstown I thought I'd take a wee look, and I found it in the marvellous Sheehy's:



I was extremely excited about getting my hands on a copy of this because I have been waiting for years to find out what happens next in the lives of my some of my most loved fictional women, the Gordon sisters of Derryrose. I have read and reread Anne Dunlop's three other books about them, The Pineapple Tart, A Soft Touch and The Dolly Holiday and the last one ends on a bit of a cliffhanger. The girls are mentioned in some of her other books, but Helen Gordon in particular is a bit of a hero of mine, and I wanted to find out more.

The Revenge of Lady Muck has been published by the Little Black Dress press, an English publishing company. The previous three had been published by Irish publishing house Poolbeg and this move is reflected by a slightly different style. Dunlop is aware that her readers may not be familiar with the exploits of the Gordon girls and the book opens with a preface that sums up the previous three novels. This was pleasing in that phrasing from the novels is repeated here (I have reread them so many times I could recognise this!) and also because it was a nice way to become reaquainted with the story. I could immediately detect a change in the style of writing - it is less colloquial and a bit less conversational than her previous novels and this did take a bit of getting over.

This novel centres on Sarah Gordon, the second youngest of the Gordon girls. She's a primary school teacher, immaculately beautiful and ladylike and she has been single since she broke off her engagement to Ian Flemming, accountant and heir to a fitted bathroom empire. She broke it off after discovering that she'd 'unblocked sinks with more enjoyable poking and prodding' than having sex with her fiance. The novel follows her as her older sister Daisy is preparing for 'the wedding of the year' to Johnboy Jackson, and Sarah becomes involved with the aristocratic and handsome TV presenter Rupert Glass. The story romps along and is lots of fun, and I very much enjoyed getting to know Sarah after becoming so intimately acquianted with her sister Helen. It's a good Cinderella story and Dunlop very subtly emphasises the importance of knowing yourself before you can know what you want. Sarah's colleague Alexandra (Sandra) Jackson - The Rabbit, to readers of the previous novels, discovers this as well as she finds a way to stop feeling anxious about Sarah and to enjoy her marriage to Ian Flemming.

I read the novel in about two hours - starting it in the car on the way home from Cookstown and finishing it while everyone around me was watching TV. It's no exaggeration to say I didn't want to put it down. I was glad to find out a little of what happened to Helen, but it was Sarah's story and Helen was a fairly minor character. I can't fairly call this a complaint - my preference for Helen is mine alone, and for readers new to the saga this won't have presented a problem. However, I did miss her voice and her wit, and when another character dismisses her by saying that she chases after men because she doesn't have anything else special about her, I felt affronted on her behalf. I hope that if Anne Dunlop does decide to give the Gordons another outing, we get to hear from Helen again.

I'll read this book again. It may not become as treasured a member of my bookcase as Dunlop's other books, but it's definitely a keeper.

I am so amazing... if I ever get off this couch, I'll be unstoppable.

Aaah, it's Thursday evening and this week is finally nearly over. I'm on leave next week and I'm already a bit demob-happy. I did get lots of good work done today in the office, as well as getting to have a nice lunch with some of my colleagues from my old department, which was ace.

I thought I'd mark another pair of shoes off the list for Shoeperwoman's Shoe Challenge today as well:

Shoes No 24: Irregular Choice Mermaids in Red
These shoes rubbed my toes a little bit today on the walk back from the office to the railway station, but it's totally worth it. I wore them with one of my most-loved dresses, you can probably guess it's another one from Fever, and it was one of the first ones I bought from them. Not pictured is the red cardigan I wore with this dress. I bought it the other day from Marks and Spencer, it's bright red and has a crew neck and covered buttons - I love it! As I have lots of red clothes it will go with everything as well, hurrah!

I've been feeling stressed again this week, but nowhere near as badly as I have been recently. Work has been getting on top of me a bit and I really am desperately in need of a bit of a holiday. I think that's partly why I'm so giddy about the thought of getting home to Northern Ireland, just the thought of having some time where I don't have to do anything except for relax. I've been getting very excited as well today because I've been making plans to see some friends when I'm home. One of them is my friend E, who I last saw at Christmas when the pair of us got drunk on champagne and had an amazing evening. It's not always easy to get to see her because of her job and the fact that she is a bit of a flake, but it's always worth it when I do see her. She and I have had lots of ups and downs, having been friends for a long time. Our friendship has changed a lot, and we've both changed a lot as well. I'm happy and grateful that we've found a way to make room for one another in our lives and I'm really looking forward to seeing her.

The other person I'll be seeing is my friend Paul. It's funny, having read both Nat's and Caroline's blog posts today about the relationships that shaped them, because I had been mentally composing a similar one about Paul. I got a text message from him this morning confirming our plans for next week and started to feel really emotional. Paul and I have been friends since I was about 15, having met at a summer school where I was a student and he was not quite a teacher. He was a few years older than me and very patient with my adolescent chatter and we struck up a friendship via letters. 12-13 years later and we're still the best of friends. I count myself very lucky to have had his friendship for all this time. His advice and care helped me through various teenage dramas and his uncomplicated, undemanding friendship meant that I always knew I could count on him. Our friendship has evolved a lot and in lots of ways he has watched me grow up, and has been a really important figure in my life. The last time Nic came home with me, in September, we had a night out with Paul and it was one of the best nights out I've ever had. It was just the three of us, sitting around and chatting and drinking and having fun. It made my heart swell with love and happiness to see how well Nic and Paul hit it off, and it made me happy to spend time with Paul again. I can't wait to repeat the experience next week!

I also feel extremely excited about seeing my family. I've missed them terribly over the past few months and will get a good dose of them when I'm home. My parents' house is noisy and sometimes a bit chaotic as my siblings all live at home, and my sisters' boyfriends are pretty much permanent fixtures as well, and I love it - it means I always get good value out of a visit home! I am really lucky to have such a wonderful family, and it'll be good to be able to remind them what I look like! Another thing to look forward to is visiting my grandma and aunt, both of whom have enormous crushes on Nic - that is always good fun! Nic fits right in with my family and they all adore him, it always makes me happy to see my Dad teasing him, or my sisters chatting to him. So, you know, I wish it would hurry up and be the weekend!

I do have lots of nice things to look forward to. Although I have to go to London tomorrow, which is rubbish (it's always worse on a Friday) we're heading out tomorrow night to celebrate our friend N's birthday. Nothing fancy, just some drinks in our favourite pub. Nic has a surprise planned for me for Saturday, which he's keeping very tight-lipped about...but as his last surprise was so brilliant, I'm not going to try to guess what this one is.

Now, as the sun is still shining I'm going to head out for a walk, and then Nic and I are going to watch a film, and then I'm going to daydream some more about going home and going to Paris. Have a great evening, everybody!

What's brought all this on? Killing that man?

Just a quick one this evening to share my Ruby Shoesdays outfit shot with you:


Red Irregular Choice Mermaid shoes and Fever Theodora dress

I'm actually looking better in that photo than I was feeling, I've been a bit poorly today so I worked from home. It'll be back to the office for me tomorrow though I'm sure - it's difficult to get things done at home and I get a bit stir crazy being in the house all day.

This evening I did a bit more playing with my sewing machine. Taking up the dress isn't really working so I put it to one side and tried something else. I did some simple seams by turning a pillowcase into a cushion cover, which worked well and was really quick to do. Then I thought I'd get a bit more advanced and do some mending, so I got out my much loved and lamented Celia Birtwell for Topshop dress. I bought this about three years ago for a party we were having. I went specially to the Topshop in the Bullring to buy it and was so delighted to find the last one in my size hidden away behind a load of other stuff. It's extremely pretty and flattering but unfortunately it must have been very cheaply made. It isn't lined and it started to come apart at the seams after the first wear. I patched it up okay but after I had worn it a few more times, and my then-housemate had worn it a few times as well, the seams really started to give out and the material frayed. I'm very sentimental about it though, because it's what I was wearing when Nic and I had our first kiss. Anyway, this evening I opened the torn seams out and tidied up the frays, and then stitched them up again. It isn't perfect and it has made the dress a wee bit smaller, but as I'm a bit thinner now than I was when I bought it it doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I can wear one of my favourite dresses again, and I'm very happy about that! When I'm a bit more confident I may reinforce the seams a bit more by adding some black ribbon down the front of them, but that will have to wait I think. Anyway, I'm very pleased with what I managed this evening.

Right, now I'm off - Nic and I have an episode of Lewis lined up. Have a pleasant evening, everybody!

It's a bit like Bunty, but it's written by tramps.

After all the doom and gloom and woe-is-me-ness of my last blog post, I'm relieved to say that I am feeling much better. After I finished writing on Thursday night I had my dinner (enchiladas - YUM) and watched an episode of Inspector Morse (not a great one, not enough Lewis) and had an early night. I had some weird dreams, but I woke up on Friday morning feeling much more positive and much more like myself. Getting to the end of the week probably helped a fair bit, even though I was pretty grumpy about having to go back to London.

The atmosphere in the office on Friday was pretty good, considering the election outcome. Whatever happens, my organisation is facing yet more upheaval and everyone is worried about it. That said, it was good to be with my colleagues and to talk through what we might be facing. The sun briefly came out at lunchtime and I decided to go out for a walk and make the most of my last few weeks of working in London. I started in Green Park:





The elephants are on parade at the moment in London, and I was to meet a few more on my travels. I walked up Piccadilly and through the Burlington Arcade, where I saw a few more:







I love in in the Burlington Arcade, I walked through it pretending to be Bertie Wooster (on the search for a silver cow creamer) and peering in through the windows of the expensive shop. It's so peaceful and pretty in there, and just getting out of the office did lots of raise my spirits. I had a wee dander through the back streets and came out onto Regent Street, walked back down to Piccadilly circus and back down Piccadilly towards our office. I stopped in Laduree to buy some macarons, for Nic and I to eat while watching french films in preparation for our trip to Paris in a few weeks:


I didn't think they were as tasty as the ones from Paul, but maybe buying them in Paris will make a difference. I'll just have to go into Laduree when I'm there and experiment scientifically, it's the only way.

I got home fairly late so Nic and I had a really quiet night and got to bed early (after eating the macarons along with Antoine et Colette) and I thoroughly enjoyed my lie-in on Saturday morning. We ventured out into town to do a bit of shopping and I broke in my new shoes from eBay:


Fever Daisy dress and IC Hermia wedges - both insanely cheap from ebay

It was really miserable in town so we didn't stay long, instead we came home to eat lunch and watch Roseanne, after having bought the box set really cheap in The Works. I unpacked my new sewing machine to try it out and spent some time figuring out how to thread it. Actually, threading it wasn't that difficult but winding the bobbin took me a while because the instructions were wrong. Anyway, once I got it figured out I started on my first mini-project, which is to finish taking up a dress. I started doing this by hand about a year ago but got bored, and it's better to do it on a machine anyway. It isn't perfect because my stitching is a bit wonky but it's okay for a first attempt, I think. I think my first project is going to be an easy patchwork blanket. I bought a book of easy craft projects and there are instructions in it for a blanket using a fleecy blanket as a backing. I think I might use some scraps of material from charity shop dresses etc and see how it goes. It'll be good practice at doing seams and sewing in straight lines, and if if looks rubbish it doesn't matter because it's only a blanket. I'm looking forward to it.

I only spent a few hours doing that because Nic and I were off to watch Doctor Who with lovely Tom. I really enjoyed the episode, it was extremely silly but I think that was the charm. I can't believe how well Matt Smith is doing and how much I like him, it was a thoroughly enjoyable episode. Afterwards we headed over to the Somerville to meet Sugar Plum and N, Martha, Lauren and Alysa and a good evening was had by all. One of my favourite things is just hanging out in the pub with my friends, and I went home on Saturday night feeling much happier and much more at peace with myself.

I did a bit more sewing on Sunday and Nic and I had a potter in town before catching the bus to Coventry to see Mr and Mrs Z. I have been meaning to try Cloudy Bay Sauvignon Blanc for a while, and having bought a bottle in Leamington's new wine shop, I wanted to share it with Mrs Z. She did a wine tasting course a few years back and it was so much fun to drink the wine with her. It was good to spend time with her daughter Lyra as well, look at how cute she is:





We left at Lyra's bedtime to catch the bus home, and had another nice early evening. The weekend felt like it was very short, but it was a tonic and I feel really rested as a result. After my attack of the blues last week, it did me good to spend time with my friends. As I said, my instinct when I'm feeling anxious or unhappy is to hide away, but that makes things worse, so it did me lots of good to get out and do things. So, you know, hopefully it's back to my regularly scheduled blogging and far less "waaah my life is so tragic" posting. Well, here's hoping anyway!

When I'm thinking, I get thirsty.

A fairly short blog this evening, in the form of a list. I'm very tired and not really up to organising my thoughts!

1. I worked from home on Wednesday, which was good. I had a bit of a lie-in, and was woken by the postman who was bringing the shoes I bought on eBay. I was amazed that they finally arrived, I had rather given up on them.


Shoes number 26: Irregular Choice Hermia wedges
I was drawn to these by the style of the heel, which is the same as on the mermaid shoes. They're not so much a summer shoe, so I might not get much wear out of them in the next few months. However, I'm sure they'll see lots of wear because I am very much taken by the monochrome detail. They were a very good eBay bargain so I'm delighted that they did actually show up!

As the weather was beautiful yesterday morning I put on one of my new dresses:

Fever Artaban sundress - one of the samples I picked up last week

Unfortunately after about lunchtime it got too cold to wear this, so I got changed into something a bit warmer and more practical, for the crochet workshop in the evening.

2. The crochet workshop went amazingly well, I was delighted with it. Everyone took home a granny square and seemed to have got the hang of the technique. I was helped along by Sugar Plum's mum and by Alysa, and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. I expect there'll be a few granny square blankets popping up in Leamington in the next few months!

3. My sewing machine arrived! I haven't done anything more than unpack it because I'm just too tired this evening, but I plan to put in some time with it at the weekend. It came with an amazing array of threads and accessories as well, and various pairs of scissors. I am very impressed with the service I got from Sewing Machines Direct, they advised me very well and the machine came by free next day delivery. I'm sure it'll be a good while before I'll be posting about things I've made, but I'm looking forward to getting acquainted with it and teaching myself.

4. I was going to write a separate post about this but I haven't really got the energy. I've got a bad case of the mean reds and I don't really know what's causing it, or at least I can't pinpoint one reason. I've been feeling tired and teary and anxious for the past few days and it's horrible. I've been having anxiety dreams and clenching my jaw in my sleep, so I suppose that explains the tiredness. I've also reached about the end of my rope with the commuting. Luckily I won't have to do it for much longer, just a few more weeks really, but I've had enough now. I have lots of coping strategies, and they help, but I'm utterly fed up with spending so much of my time on the train!

I know I'll feel better shortly, but about now I'm just feeling a bit fed up with myself. Recently a friend repeated back to me a comment that had been made about me - an mutual acquaintance saw fit to pronounce upon my mental health and called me 'mad'. I'm intensely irritated to say that this has been on my mind ever since. Irritated because I know I shouldn't be giving houseroom to this kind of talk - this acquaintance is someone whose company I don't care for, so his opinion shouldn't mean anything to me. It has bothered me, though. It bothers me because 'mad' is such a horrible, pejorative term and it bothers me because, while I know he isn't right (and that he doesn't really know me, anyway) being 'mad' is something that makes me really worried.

Over the past few months I have been really up and down. I can put some of this down to the pressure I've been under at work, and the fact that I haven't been able to take a real break. I'm tired and stressed. I've been unhappy because a significant friendship has come to an end, and I'm sad because of the reasons for its end and the fact of its end. It's like grieving and how I feel about it isn't at all dissimilar to how I felt when Miranda died. My continuing sadness is something I worry about because it isn't a good way to feel, and because I have become unfeasible cautious and defensive with other people as a result. 'Mad' is a bit of a trigger word for me, because I can't help but think that is how I must seem.

I've written before about my anxiety about being misinterpreted and misunderstood, so I won't go over old ground, but I have spent so much of this year (and, you know, of my life) already feeling like this. When I think about it intellectually I can see ways to deal with feeling this way and ways of helping myself to feel better. It isn't always easy to put this into practice though, especially not when I feel low and just want to hide away.

Anyway, I think I've talked a bit too much about it, but for some reason I've been finding this week tough. Hopefully by the time I get around to writing my next blog I'll feel a bit chirpier and won't be feeling so sorry for myself.

5. To that end I'm going to make a wee list of the things I am grateful for, by way of finishing off.

- Nic. I'm immensely grateful for his support and love and wisdom, and for all of the little things he does to make every day easier like meeting me at the station and cooking my dinner.
- My friends, all of them.
- I have lots of good things to look forward to, including the end of commuting, holidays and seeing my family

There are lots more, but one thing that I'm grateful for is crowding those out - my dinner is ready!

Wolves did it!

Back again in the land of the living (and working, more's the pity) after a lovely long weekend. If you don't like diary style blog entries it's time to look away now!

I worked in London on Thursday and, as you may have seen from my previous post, I indulged in a little end-of-the-month shopping at the Fever shop at lunchtime. It was very good indeed, and I'm always pleased by how friendly the staff and other shoppers are. The afternoon flew by and it was soon time to meet Nic to head down to Kent to spend the bank holiday weekend with his family. We met at the John Snow on Broadwick street and stopped into the Liberty store before catching the train. It was Nic's mum's birthday and I wanted to get her something from Liberty by way of thanks for the scarf she gave me in January. The staff were extremely helpful and I was able to buy some beautiful Liberty pattern mugs, which she was delighted with. I spotted the Liberty for Target piggy bank that I've had my eye on for a while – only for the fact that a) I had too much to carry and b) I don't actually need a piggy bank I would have bought it. I still might, you can see for yourself how cute he is here!

We walked down to Charing Cross and had enough time to buy some sandwiches from Paul before catching the train to Kent. It was a very uneventful journey, most of which I spent reading The Rector's Wife by Joanna Trollope, which I had picked up a few days earlier. I was a but dubious about it, but I found it wholly absorbing and very moving and I shall be watching the channel 4 miniseries on 4 On Demand as soon as I get a bit of time. We arrived with Nic's parents in the early evening and passed a very pleasant evening chatting and generally catching up before having an early night. It was so good to see Nic's dad, who had been very ill earlier in the year, on such good form.

The weather was beautiful on Friday so Nic and I got up nice and early to catch the bus to Rye. As it was nice and sunny we took a quick turn along Sandgate seafront and I wore one of my new dresses.

On Sandgate beach. I'm wearing my new Fever Jeanne maxi dress. It was very windy - hence the windswept hair!

We'd visited Rye once before (well, once for me – Nic has been there many times) and I was very excited to be going again. The bus journey takes you through the Kent countryside, through pretty villages like Hythe and New Romney and across the marshes by Camber Sands to Rye. The landscape around Camber is amazing, I wish I could have taken some photos but it's a bit difficult from a moving bus! It is so flat and bleak, it's almost alien. Rye is built on a hill, and the town is extraordinarily pretty and quaint. It has a rich literary heritage – Henry James lived in Rye, as did Radclyffe Hall. E.F. Benson lived in Rye (in Henry James's house) and based the town of Tilling in his Mapp and Lucia novels on Rye. The town is very quaint and absolutely full of antiques markets and shops. Nic and I spent a good part of the morning browsing around, and we even managed to pick ourselves up a few treats. I bought Nic a spotty silk tie and he bought himself an amazing paisley dressing gown from Classic Chaps on Cinque Ports Street. Further up the street, in a vintage furniture shop I bought a Hornsea Heirloom vinegar pourer.


The man who runs the shop had loads of Hornsea so I had to be very restrained (and also mindful of having to carry lots of stuff back up to Leamington!) but he has promised to keep an eye out for an Heirloom teapot for me, so I'll definitely be back! I also bought Nic a cornishware eggcup, which was a bargain because it is slightly chipped.

We had a picnic in the grounds of St Mary's Church and then a look around inside. You're able to climb up the bell tower and go out onto the battlements of the Church. We decided not to the last time we were in Rye as it was too hot, but it was too good to miss out on this time. There are a fair few steps to climb up, including a brilliant bit where you almost have to edge along a catwalk overlooking the inside of the Church! The route takes you up through the bell tower and past the bells, and then out through a tiny little door onto the battlements. It wasn't quite as windy or precarious as the top of Dungeness lighthouse, but it was pretty blowy up there! The views made it worthwhile though, as did the excitement of the climb.






After that we stopped for a cup of coffee in Simon the Pieman's teashop before exploring a bit more around Rye. We had a drink in a pub next to the Ypres Tower and, as we had both misbehaved so badly they put us in the stocks




(I know, how hilarious are we?!) The only slight downside to the day was catching the bus home with a lot of rowdy schoolchildren, but we'd had such fun it hardly seemed to matter.

On Saturday morning Nic and I went to visit his grandparents and then spent the afternoon in Canterbury. I feel like I know Canterbury very well now and although the weather was extremely changeable we had a very enjoyable afternoon. I picked up another Joanna Trollope novel (just as well, as I had finished The Rector's Wife) and Nic bought himself a cravat to go with his paisley dressing gown. Before catching the bus home we spent some time in the Canterbury Roman Musuem finding out about Canterbury's history. It was great fun – I'm a great big nerd when it comes to museums and this one was no exception.

Nic with a Paul Cuff lookalike


I'm getting some takeaway Roman oysters - yuck! Still, I like my new dress very much.

I had hoped to have a walk on the seafront before dinner but when I got up to get off the bus, found that I had been sitting on some chewing gum. This was very distressing as it was the first time I had worn the lovely Photograph dress, and I was also very angry because it is just so disgusting. It is a really skanky tramp that takes chewing gum out of their mouth and disposes of it on a bus seat. There's also some malice in there as well, the hope that someone will sit on it and ruin their clothes. Luckily I was able to get the nasty stuff out, with the help of some vinegar and warm water, but it did rather spoil the afternoon.

We passed the rest of the weekend very quietly because the weather turned very cold and dismal – Nic had planned to take me back to the Grand Hotel for tea on Sunday, but after having our umbrella completely obliterated by the wind in Folkestone town centre we decided not to brave the cliffs – it'll be much nicer to do it when we go down again later in the year. Folkestone is a bit of an odd town but I like it a lot, and I love the village that Nic's parents live in, so spending the weekend in Kent was a real treat. Sadly I didn't get to dip my feet in the sea, as it was just too cold, but I certainly plan to later in the summer. The sun came out just long enough on Monday for Nic and I to spend some time in the garden before catching the train back up to London.




Once in London, I left Nic with a pint and a book in a pub near Marylebone while I did a little bit of shopping on Marylebone high street. After seeing someone on the train with this bag from Cath Kidston I decided I'd like one so off I trotted to their shop. The staff are so lovely and friendly, I will definitely be back for some fabric when I've got my sewing machine up and running. As it was, I bought the bag and also a sewing box to keep all my bits and pieces in (and a holder for my railcard because I was in a bit of a naughty spendy mood) I'm going to order a sewing machine tomorrow and am very excited about getting started with it. Nic and I were quite laden down when it came time to catch the train, but as we were catching the Wrexham and Shropshire service back up to Leamington it didn't matter.

I have to admit here to being a bit of a train nerd. I'm not a trainspotter, as such – I don't know anything about the different types of train, much less their numbers or names, but I do think trains are fascinating all the same. I've been curious about this service over the past few months, but have always been a bit shy of catching one of the trains in case my ticket wasn't valid. Anyway, it is, so we did. The train is like a train from a film, if you know what I mean, and very luxurious inside – Nic said he felt like he was in North by Northwest. It was an excellent journey, and I was glad to get home to Leamington and to our little flat. We had a very quiet evening watching a film and having dinner, while I attempted to sort out our holiday. This initially proved stressful for some very boring reasons but it's all sorted now – I'm finally getting back to Northern Ireland in a few weeks' time, and then Nic and I are spending a week in Paris at the beginning of June. I am inordinately excited about both of these things. It feels like forever since I've been home (it has been – last time was Christmas) and although I can't go for just as long as I'd like, it's still very exciting. I'll have a lot to pack in, but I'm hoping I'll finally be able to take Nic to the Ulster Museum in Belfast. It’s been closed for refurbishment on all of our previous visits to Belfast but it reopened recently and I can't wait to see it.

I could write another blog post as long as this and longer about how excited I am about going to Paris. We didn't think we'd be able to go, but we're going to be spending a week in an apartment in Montmartre and already have lots of exciting things planned. We'll be self-catering, which suits two vegetarians very well, and hopefully it will mean that we'll save some money on food so that it can be better spent on champagne and adventures.

On that thought, I'm off to daydream a little bit more about our Parisian adventure….