I'll rise, but I sure won't shine!

Greetings, my dear readers. I hope this lovely bank holiday weekend finds you all well. I'm by the sea with Nic, visiting his family on the Kent coast. The weather has been unexpectedly glorious, and so far we've been doing our best to make the most of it.

After a reasonably stressful start to the week, I decided to calm things down a bit by finishing off my second curtain dress - another Simplicity 2591. The first time I sewed one of these dresses, it was an unexpected success but not without its flaws. I found the gathering on the skirt a bit fiddly to do and I had some issues with the neck and armhole facings. This time around, however, she came together beautifully. The main body of the dress took me a few hours, leaving only some hand sewing to do. I used a slip stitch to secure the facings and also to hem the skirt.

Simplicity 2591 and Vivienne Westwood for Melissa cherry shoes

I'm so pleased with how this turned out. The bold pattern and the bright colours look good in the bodice and I'm also really happy with the fit. I managed to get over my stresses around gathering (mainly by slowing down a bit and being a bit more meticulous in doing it) and I am pleased with the skirt too. I couldn't be happier with what I managed to achieve in only a few hours, and with an old curtain! Despite this being my second go at the 2591, I'm definitely game for another, and when I get back from this little holiday I'm going to make a start on the v-necked version with little straps, with some lovely John Kaldor cotton that was a birthday present back in September.

The bodice

My hemming - my best-hemmed effort so far! It's nice to see progress....

I was off out to a Sew Make Believe meetup later that evening so it seemed only fitting to wear something I had made. It improved my mood immensely, as well. I had been struggling all day with a horrible headache and some social time (and some preening in my new dress and pretty shoes) did a lot to cheer me up!

After a lovely sleep in on Thursday morning and a bit of much-needed pyjama time, Nic and I caught the (freezing bloody cold) train down to Folkestone, with a short pit-stop in the courtyard of the British library for a bit of a picnic between trains. The British library is lovely, and the courtyard is a very pretty place to stop and think, but being there always makes me feel like such a country mouse - city living is probably not for me.

I feel you, C.S

Newton

The sun was still very warm when we got to Folkestone and we took a fairly leisurely walk along the seafront to Nic's family's house. I didn't grow up by the sea, but all the same I miss it in the midlands so this sight cheered my heart

I heart Folkestone - the sea from the Leas

Happy feet on the beach

Holiday...

After all of the travelling, it was really nice to relax with family, an episode of Kojak and an early night.

Nic and I go up nice and early on Friday morning for a trip to Wye to visit the gorgeous Victoria Deloria and Mr S. As it was such a beautiful morning, we took our time and even had a bit of a splash around in the sea.

Sunning myself

Paddling...

It was really cold - just about bearable for a paddle, but not much more! It was such a good way to start the day, even if it was a bit on the chilly side. It didn't take us long to get to Wye, which is an almost impossibly pretty little village outside Ashford. After meeting us at the station (which had a poster up advertising Wye's Royal Wedding celebrations - a 'fun dog show' where owners were encouraged to dress their pets up as members of the royal family) Mr S and Vic took us back to their flat for a cup of tea and a biscuit iced with a red panda.

Almost too cute to eat. Almost.

When the hottest part of the day had passed, we went out for a ramble on the North Downs, to forage for some wild garlic to have in our lunch and to visit Mr S and Vic's new allotment

The gorgeous North Downs

me and Victoria Deloria

The good life

Pasta, cooked by Mr S, with lovely wild garlic flowers

Lunch was a delicious pasta cooked for us by Mr S, followed by some amazing Gizzi Erskine passionfruit and strawberry victora sponge, cava and cape gooseberries. Nic and I nearly needed to be rolled back to Wye railway station to catch our return train to Folkestone! It was a thoroughly delightful way to spend the day, and being able to stretch my legs after what has felt like months cooped up behind a computer felt blissful.

Mr S and Vic joined us in Folkestone on Saturday for some further adventuring. After a brief paddle in the sea - declared by Vic to be 'scandalously cold' - we decided on a road trip to Dungeness.

Mr S and Vic, paddling in the 'scandalously cold' English channel

Nic, also being scandalised by the cold

I'd been to Dungeness before. A few years back, Nic and I took the Romney, Hythe and Dymchurch Miniature Railway from Hythe to Dungeness but it was too cold and windy to do much except climb to the top of the old lighthouse. So it was exciting to visit this strange place on a sunny day. We made a brief stop in Hythe to buy a middle-class picnic ('essential' houmous and bread from Waitrose!) and made our way out through the Romney marshes to the tip of the peninsula.

Dungeness point is a desert, and if you stand with your back to the nuclear power station you could be in the Arizona desert:

Dungeness. It's an eerie place...

It's amazing to think that people live out here, but they do. Almost all of the buildings are timber framed houses, and they look as if they have been towed here from elsewhere. Even on a hot day the wind whips across the ground, I imagine it would be incredibly bleak in winter. On the flats there are lots of little sheds and free-standing brick ovens and, strangely, this structure:

Mysterious...

We spent quite some time trying to figure out just what this was for - further internet research at home revealed that it was a navigation aid for fishing boats - but it was eerily imposing on the landscape

What the hell is this thing?

We didn't paddle in the sea at Dungeness but we did laze on the shingle beach to enjoy our picnic and the company of good friends in the sunshine

Looking for a good spot to picnic

Nic

Mr S and the enchanting Vic

Our view

The power station

Dungeness lighthouse

We ambled around the peninsula a little to work off the effects of a large picnic lunch and the sunshiney sleepiness. As I've already said, Dungeness is a pretty strange place. It was quiet except for the screech of the gulls and the whistle of the RH&DR. We didn't pay a visit to the Fifth Quarter Mystical Gift Shop, despite their promise that they served faeries:

Erm...

Yeah...

It was still early when we got home, so we finished off the afternoon in the garden. Today we've been pottering around the house and garden, took in the sun at the beach and generally just been taking it easy. It's difficult to believe that it's only Easter - so far this holiday has felt like a real holiday, real life seems very far away. I'm sure I will be back during the week with some more seaside photographs, until then I'll just wish you all a very happy Easter!

Goodbye, Sarah Jane

Like many Doctor Who fans, I was saddened to hear about the death of Elisabeth Sladen - Sarah Jane Smith - at the age of 63, on Monday. I've come to Doctor Who reasonably late in life, I have the vaguest of memories of watching it as a child (when Sylvester McCoy was the man in the big blue box) but falling in love with a geek can do funny things to a girl: now I'm a pretty serious Doctor Who fan.

Sarah Jane Smith and the Third Doctor, Jon Pertwee

No doubt about it, Sarah Jane Smith was a really cool companion. She was the companion through some of Doctor Who's best serials. The first serial I watched featuring Sarah Jane was the incredible Genesis of the Daleks. She and UNIT Doctor Harry Sullivan (Ian Marter) aided the Fourth Doctor, Tom Baker, to answer the question - if I had a chance to kill Davros and therefore stop the birth of the Daleks, would I do it? This serial is absolutely awesome for loads of reasons - Davros among them, and the various iterations of the Daleks - but Sarah Jane does stand out. It's not true to say that she's fearless. Sarah Jane does her fair share of screaming, but rather that she is brave and determined. When she gets left outside the Kaled dome, with the mutated Muto slaves, Sarah Jane plans and leads an escape. I remember thinking how cool she was, and that if this is what Doctor Who was about, I was in. To be fair, I also thought that Harry was pretty nifty, even after he got his foot stuck in one of the early versions of the Daleks - a giant, mutated clam.

Sarah Jane, The Doctor and Harry in Genesis of the Daleks. That's a Mark Four Travel Machine following them, there.

Sarah Jane continued to blow my mind in Pyramids of Mars, another Fourth Doctor serial. This serial is excellent because it has a classic Doctor Who villain, Sutekh the Destroyer. It's really funny too, and not just because Tom Baker has googly eyes. Sarah Jane is pretty bad-ass in Pyramids of Mars, there's no bother to her at all as she takes the ring thing and controls the robots (okay, if you haven't seen it that will make no sense but trust me, it's cool.)

Sarah Jane was independent. She was a journalist who ended up in the TARDIS because she was off in search of a story, and she stayed because of her sense of adventure (not, as the Russell T Davies version of events seems to run, because she was in love with the Doctor.) There can be no doubt about it, she was brave. She talked of feminism in her first adventure, The Time Warrior, and she got stuck in and fought a Sontaran as well

Sarah Jane and The Doctor giving Linx what for in The Time Warrior

She put her ego to one side and did what needed to be done to save the crew in The Ark in Space by crawling through a horrible ventilation shaft. Credit to her, she wasn't even all that freaked out by the Wirrn, at least not as much as I would have been.

Sarah Jane, the Doctor and one of the horrible Wirrn creatures in The Ark in Space

Sarah Jane did her fair share of screaming and falling over and needing to be rescued. In The Sontaran Experiment she might not like Harry calling her 'old thing' (fair enough) but she does need his help, and a little joke is made out of it in The Five Doctors. Scooped up into the Death Zone, she falls down the mildest incline on a grassy slope, and needs the Doctor and Bessie to tow her out. I don't say any of this to detract from Sarah Jane in any way, she was excellent.

What I do find really tiresome is how, in almost every obituary I have read of Elisabeth Sladen, the old lie that Sarah Jane was the first independent female companion in the show's history is trotted out. Dan Martin at The Guardian is guilty of this, saying:

Her character was introduced in 1973 alongside Jon Pertwee's Doctor as a feminist antidote to the traditional "Who girl" who asks dumb questions and screams a lot. Sladen ran with the role and helped pioneer a new genre of female hero in British drama – the feisty yet vulnerable female.

Guy Clapperton mindlessly parrots this, adding

[Lis Sladen]...will be remembered primarily for playing the Doctor's first successful independent-minded companion.

Both of these had me doing an Alan Partridge and shouting at my laptop "Stop getting Who wrong!" Sarah Jane was an independent minded companion, but she was NOT the first. The Doctor's first companion, Barbara Wright, was every bit as independent as Sarah Jane. Single? Yes. Educated? Yes - Barbara was a teacher. Independent? She follows Susan back to Totter's Lane to figure out what is going on with her and her mysterious grandfather, and she brings Ian as backup. She stands up the The Doctor in The Edge of Destruction and it is her lecture that forces the grumpy old man to start treating Ian and Barbara with some respect, which leads to a real friendship. She is a passionate advocate of human rights, and tries to use her power for good in The Aztecs. Even in 1963, Doctor Who had independent female companions.

Barbara Wright

In fact, I think it's much more fair to say that Sarah Jane Smith was part of a tradition of strong, female role models in the show. This idea that Doctor Who companions just screamed and got into trouble a lot is just wrong. Sure, there were a few duff ones (Dodo) but on the whole, the women who followed The Doctor into the TARDIS were smart, curious and fiesty. Even Susan had her moments (although she did scream, quite a lot) In The Dalek Invasion of Earth she is brave in her participation in the rebellion led by Barbara.

Zoe Heriot - totally unafraid of Cybermen

Zoe, companion to The Second Doctor, is a scientist with a photographic memory, and she was instrumental in helping the Doctor and others survive in The War Games.

Liz Shaw with the Third Doctor and the Brigadier

And what about Cambridge-educated Doctor Elizabeth Shaw? I have to say, Liz is my favourite of the Doctor's companions. She does not need to be rescued. She's a doctor too, with degrees in a number of disciplines. She wears short skirts, but don't let this fool you - she is whip smart and ready to tell the Doctor when he is wrong. Barry Letts felt that the show wasn't ready for someone quite as independent as Liz and when he wrote her out (also partly because Caroline John was pregnant and unable to commit to the show's filming schedules) it was because Liz was ready to return to Cambridge and lead her own life - she didn't want to be a companion on someone else's adventures, and felt that the Doctor just needed someone to pass him his test tubes and tell him how clever he was.

Jo Grant

Sadly, this is how lots of people seem to remember Jo Grant. But let me tell you, Jo Grant would kick YOUR ass if she needed to. She might have failed her O Level Chemistry, but she faces off against the Master. She's hypnotised by him once, but only once. In Planet of the Daleks, when she thinks the Doctor is dying, she bravely makes her way through the jungles to seek help. She finds it, too. She is pretty and looks like a little doll, but there's steel in Jo. She stands up for what she believes in, and isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. When she leaves, she leaves the Doctor bereft. But she doesn't just leave for a bit of man candy in the shape of Clifford Jones - no, she leaves because she's ready to go off and have her own adventures with Cliff, searching for alternative food sources in the Amazon rainforest.

That brings us to Sarah Jane. Not the first, but a worthy addition to a tradition of intelligent, cool and brave female companions. Nor was Sarah Jane the last - most notably Tegan Jovanka and Ace follow the path walked by the women who came before them.

Elisabeth Sladen will be sorely missed. We're lucky to still have Sarah Jane Smith.

Ever get three sheets to the wind and try that thing on?

Evening all! I've just managed to shake off a bad mood that has been lingering with me for the past few days. The combination of getting out of work, an ice cream in the park with Nic and spending time with friends has put a smile back on my face. Which is a good thing, because I had a mega grump on me all afternoon - I've just been having one of those ragey days, and I am extremely glad to be feeling a bit more mellow now. Anyway, I just wanted to catch up, share a few outfits and save another pair of shoes in the Shoeperwoman Shoe Challenge. More of that in a moment!

This really helped to relieve the tension this afternoon...and so did this

Okay so, apart from the general bleaaugh-ness (technical term) of the past few days, I don't have too much craic. Nic and I had a very lovely, quiet weekend. I caught up on some chores, we spent time in the park with friends and we got drunk and watched Bad Day At Black Rock. It's hard to beat a weekend like that. I finished my second curtain dress (another Simplicity 2591) which just needs to be hemmed now, and it was maxi dress weather so I busted out one of my favourites:

Fever Stargazer maxi dress

I'm looking a bit blissed out and sleepy here - this is because I had been lazing around in the sun for some time prior to this. I've just rediscovered this necklace, which I stole from my sister. I'm sticking my tongue out at her just now!

Nothing exciting from Monday, but the sun came out again today so I thought I'd save another pair of shoes:

Vivien of Holloway Jelly Bean dress and Irregular Choice Mermaid shoes

Shoesies!

Aaagh! I've just accidentally deleted the last paragraph I wrote. Dang it! Basically I was saying I love these shoes, I have two more pairs and I've got my eye out for a pair in pink. I bought them in the winter so this is really the first chance I have had to wear them. I think the shape is so pretty and unusual, so I'm very happy to have saved them.

Okay I'm away. Nic has just made me a halloumi-based dinner, and I'm going to settle in to finally watch some Mad Men Season 3. Then it's only two more sleeps until we go to the seaside! Have a good evening, all!

Queen Bees and Wannabes

So, you know that blog post I mentioned earlier in the week? Well it is on its way, but some really horrible news from home derailed my week somewhat so it is going to be a bit later, but I have not forgotten. I am on a much more even keel now, thanks to my absolutely awesome friends. Y'all know who you are, all of you who showed me your love this week, and I sincerely appreciate it. Stuff at home is going to get worse, much worse I think, but I am in a better position to cope with it than I have ever been so I'm feeling reasonably positive about it all, and I reckon that's all you can ask for.

All of that means that I don't have too much news for you, and not much in the way of outfit shots either. Also, it's been cold this week, so I haven't felt much like taking photos. The sun finally came out today, however, and I decided to make the most of it by chilling in the park with my Sugar Plum, her sister-in-law, and niece.

Ruby Belle monkey pinafore, that charity shop belt and a petticoat I bought on ebay after trying on the one that Lauren Too Many Dresses bought

My monkey dress! This dress looks significantly better belted and with a petticoat under it, and I adore it. Like many of my dresses it was sort of bought on a whim, but isn't it pretty! I love the little monkeys too, I think they sort of look like Brain:

There are probably enough of them to take over the world...

The other thing I'm going to finally get around to is reviewing one of the books I read recently. A few weeks ago, Nic and I rewatched Mean Girls. It was his second time seeing the film, and it was approximately my 725436th time. I never get tired of it, and I thoroughly enjoyed swapping Mean Girls themed tweets with Mrs M when I was watching it (Boo! You whore!) and this time, more than any of the other times I've seen it, it really struck a chord with me. I think it's because I've been working my way through lots of friendship issues in the past few years, and finally feel like I've regained my sanity and perspective on it in lots of ways, and Mean Girls just seemed like a really appropriate film to watch. Off I trotted to Amazon, and I picked myself up a copy of the non-fiction book that was the basis for the film, Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman.
Queen Bees... is actually a sort of self-help book for the parents of teenage girls, to provide advice on how to help young girls navigate their way through 'Girl World' in school and beyond. It was a truly fascinating read in many ways. The book was originally published in 2002 but was revised and updated in 2010 to include the many ways in which things like social networking, mobile phones etc contribute to the ways in which girls tear one another down, and the ways in which life as a young person now is so much more difficult than it was for our parents. Wiseman breaks down the politics of Girl World (as she puts it), breaks down the cliques and the roles girls play in those cliques and offers advice on what to do to support your daughter through whatever her role is. She also discusses the pressures young girls and young women face around body image, sexuality and relationships.

What piqued my interest the most was the way in which Wiseman breaks down girl cliques into their component parts, offering advice on how to avoid the inevitable conflict and drama that arises in these groups. It isn't just about what to do if your daughter is being bullied by the Mean Girl, but what to do if she is the Mean Girl, and why girls relate to one another in the way that they do. Reading through her description of the various roles in the clique, I could see how at some point or another, I had played all of those roles myself.

• Queen Bee - her friends do what she wants them to do, she feels in power and in control of her environment, but this can define her friendships.
• Sidekick - she's the girl who is closest to the Queen Bee, and will back her no matter what. They commonly bully and silence other girls to further their own agenda.
• Banker - She creates chaos by banking information about other girls and dispersing it at strategic intervals, because she knows it's going to cause conflict. It doesn't even seem like she's trying to gossip because she masks it as 'I'm just trying to be there for you'
• Messenger - She trades information and gossip about others, but differs from the Banker in that her motivation is to reconcile the parties in conflict, hoping to gain social power from doing so.
• Pleaser/Wannabe - She will do almost anything to be in the group, and is always imitating the behaviour of the Queen Bee and the Sidekick
• Torn Bystander - She doesn't want to go against the more powerful people in the group and convinces herself not to challenge them.
• Target - She's the girl who is humilated, made fun of or excluded. Girls in the clique can become targets if they've challenged someone higher on the totem pole and need to be put in their place.

I've been all of these girls. I've been the Mean Girl/Queen Bee when I've wanted my friends to dislike someone I dislike. I've been the Banker and the Messenger, gossiping about others to reinforce my own place. I've been the Pleaser, letting someone more forceful tell me what I should or shouldn't do. I've been the Torn Bystander, and speaking up has made me the Target. I've played all of these roles as a teenager and in my adult life as well. Reading Queen Bees... was a useful exercise for me, as I have been making an effort to think about how I conduct myself, and how to manage how I feel about things, and to better understand what motivates me. Tina Fey's screenplay for Mean Girls has Cady go through a similar process. After turning into a mean girl in order to destroy Regina George she realises what that has done to her personality, before realising what she has to do to rehabilitate herself:

When you get bit by a snake, you're supposed to suck the poison out. And that's just what I had to do, suck all the poison out of my life.

It took me far longer than it took Cady to realise this, and it's still a work in progress. Reading Queen Bees and Wannabes is a helpful tool in this process. And, you know, any excuse I can get to watch Mean Girls again, I'm going to take it!

Four for you, Glen Coco! You go, Glen Coco!