...The shape of it's wrong, it's much too long
and you can't put a hole where a hole don't belong
November has been a funny old month for me so far. I wonder if I have been suffering from some mild form of Seasonal Affective Disorder, because nothing has been wrong but I've felt low, and like something was lacking. Even on Sunday when I was internet window-shopping, it did little to raise my spirits. I get too easily into a rut, and recently the rut has been working all day, then coming home from work and watching endless DVDs with Nic. That's good too – we've been watching good programmes, but it's not great for conversation, and I have been dwelling on things rather too much.
Over the past few days I've been trying to make a change and it has already made a difference. Nic and I went out for a drink last night, and the change of scenery combined with the lack of distractions like internet meant that we were able to talk about all sorts of things, which helped me back to myself. I only had one glass of wine, but getting out of the house was really good for me. The home-work-home pattern I'd fallen into was getting me down. We're going to go out for a walk tonight as well, and I'm meeting dear C for a coffee after work – all small things, but the things that make a difference to me.
As I wrote in an earlier post, I have been getting my reading mojo back. M lent me two Barbara Pym novels a few months ago, Excellent Women and No Fond Return of Love, both of which I thoroughly enjoyed. I'm now racing through Jane and Prudence, found on the shelves of Leamington library. The library also had a copy of Excellent Women, which included an introduction by Alexander McCall-Smith. I read through it and felt very irritated by it indeed. In fact, I have been feeling this way about the introductions to a number of Virago paperbacks recently (poor M was on the receiving end of a tirade about the Sophie Dahl introduction to Stella Gibbons' novel Nightingale Wood) I have a number of those lovely old greenbacked Virago paperbacks, many of which contain very thoughtfully written, scholarly introductions to the novels. This tradition seems to have been cast aside and replaced by getting any published author to write down whatever they happen to know about the book or the author. The Sophie Dahl introduction to Nightingale Wood was shockingly bad. It outlined the plot of Cold Comfort Farm, said that maybe Stella Gibbons was a bit anti-Semitic in her representation of Mr Mybug, but that it was a long time ago and things were different then, and then a description of what happens in the book you're about to read. There was no craft and no originality to it. Alexander McCall Smith did a slightly better job with his introduction to Excellent Women – mercifully he didn't give the plot away. However, he did very lazily compare Barbara Pym to Jane Austen, and this was the whole thrust of his argument. Presumably this was because both Pym and Austen wrote about spinsters, but any similarity ends there. These kinds of introductions (and the garish book covers) are disappointing because I feel they trivialise the novels, which seems to me to be contrary to Virago's project. The Jilly Cooper introduction to Jane and Prudence annoyed me less, but she again gave away the ending of the book. If the publishers are going to allow this then I think they should put these essays at the end of the novel, rather than at the beginning. Jane and Prudence is great fun, however, so I'm not going to get too upset about knowing the ending. Barbara Pym is very good at showing the invisible battle lines that groups of women draw about them, and as this is something I have been thinking about a great deal recently, I'm finding the book very enjoyable, and plan to finish it on my train journey home this evening. Then it's onto reading Mr Blandings Builds His Dream House by Eric Hodgins, partly to help Nic with his thesis, but mainly because I'd like to read it!
I'm also feeling relieved that I will be able to buy that lovely Dazzle dress by Fever for C and N's wedding, as it is definitely available. I hadn't found a satisfactory plan B, so I'm very happy that I don't have to worry about this. Nic and I are going to head down to London at the start of the month to get the dress, and to do some Christmas shopping, and possibly to see a film at the NFT. It feels good to be feeling enthusiastic about things again.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Wishlist
It's Sunday afternoon, I've finished my book and I'm doing a little bit of internet window-shopping. I've been feeling very grumpy and irritable this week so I'm hoping this will make me feel a bit better. This is a wee bit of a wishlist - things I hope to buy in the next few months, or on eBay, or if they come into the sale in January.
Irregular Choice Matronix shoes
It's not the best photo, but I love the sparkly heel on them. I'm having a bit of a purple moment, after years of thinking that it doesn't suit me and these look like lots of fun.
Ruby Belle tartan dress
It's totally impractical. And probably the boning will poke out and stick into me like it does in my other Ruby Belle strapless dress, but I think it's lovely all the same.
Fever Dazzle dress
C and N's wedding is coming up soon, and I'm hoping to buy this lovely frock to wear to it. Unfortunately it's only pictured in black, and I hope to buy it in navy blue. I've been given permission to buy it, I'm just hoping Fever get it in store in time!
In fact, there are always lots of things in the Fever catalogue I like, I'm hoping they will have some nice samples to tempt me when I visit the store again at the start of December. I'm sure they will, in fact!
Well, that's made me feel more cheerful. Also, Nic is making me a cup of coffee, and I have a wispa gold to eat so I'm off to do that. YUM!
Irregular Choice Matronix shoes
It's not the best photo, but I love the sparkly heel on them. I'm having a bit of a purple moment, after years of thinking that it doesn't suit me and these look like lots of fun.
Ruby Belle tartan dress
It's totally impractical. And probably the boning will poke out and stick into me like it does in my other Ruby Belle strapless dress, but I think it's lovely all the same.
Fever Dazzle dress
C and N's wedding is coming up soon, and I'm hoping to buy this lovely frock to wear to it. Unfortunately it's only pictured in black, and I hope to buy it in navy blue. I've been given permission to buy it, I'm just hoping Fever get it in store in time!
In fact, there are always lots of things in the Fever catalogue I like, I'm hoping they will have some nice samples to tempt me when I visit the store again at the start of December. I'm sure they will, in fact!
Well, that's made me feel more cheerful. Also, Nic is making me a cup of coffee, and I have a wispa gold to eat so I'm off to do that. YUM!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Jason Westmoreland's copper-flecked eyes glanced cynically around the terrace. He was sick of Capri and longed for Wolverhampton
I wasn't able to do my Thursday Hot and Not yesterday, as I was away from my computer all day, first at a conference and then at a gig. So I'm doing it now, and waving my hands in the air like I just don't care (because I just don't care)
Hot
Paul Curreri and his new album. Look at how cute he is!
Anyway, his new album California has just come out, so Nic and the two Js went to see him play last night in Taylor John's House in Coventry. It wasn't my favourite ever Paul Curreri gig, but he is my absolute most favourite musician ever so it is always highly exciting to see him play live. He's been out of action recently due to a throat injury so it is excellent to see him back on form. I'll write another entry at a later date about just how good and lovely he is (for example, on the request of a friend, he sent me a birthday present one year. How good is that?!) Hurrah for Curreri :)
Peanut butter on toast. What a yummy treat on a cold day.
Coffee. At the conference yesterday it was *cold* so I drank about 7 cups of coffee to keep warm, then had some more later in the evening in Brown's....tasty and warming and good. I'm drinking some super tasty freshly ground Green Bean coffee right now, courtesy of my sister Smelly, who owns a cafe.
Finally getting my flights booked to go home at christmas. They were slightly more expensive than I would have liked, but I can bring a hold bag to contain all my lovely christmas presents. Good stuff!
Not
I feel hesitant to say this, but I'm going to anyway. Taylor John's House in Coventry. I've seen Paul Curreri and his lovely wife Devon Sproule play there so many times, and I think it could be a really great venue. They attract great talent and the gigs are good value for money. But with all that said, it's never a great gig experience. There is a really off-putting cliquey vibe to the place, so it's hard to feel welcome there. The toilets are really grotty and the bar is very limited. I hate being shushed at the start of the set by the venue's owner. It's good to ask the audience to be respectful of the performer, and it is very good to be able to enjoy a performance without people talking on their mobile phones, but being sushed and clicked at is deepy irritating and quite offensive. I'll continue to go there as long as Paul Curreri plays there, and I'm grateful to have the opportunity to see him live, but I always come away from a gig there with a bad taste in my mouth. (it might be the green wine)
Hot
Paul Curreri and his new album. Look at how cute he is!
Anyway, his new album California has just come out, so Nic and the two Js went to see him play last night in Taylor John's House in Coventry. It wasn't my favourite ever Paul Curreri gig, but he is my absolute most favourite musician ever so it is always highly exciting to see him play live. He's been out of action recently due to a throat injury so it is excellent to see him back on form. I'll write another entry at a later date about just how good and lovely he is (for example, on the request of a friend, he sent me a birthday present one year. How good is that?!) Hurrah for Curreri :)
Peanut butter on toast. What a yummy treat on a cold day.
Coffee. At the conference yesterday it was *cold* so I drank about 7 cups of coffee to keep warm, then had some more later in the evening in Brown's....tasty and warming and good. I'm drinking some super tasty freshly ground Green Bean coffee right now, courtesy of my sister Smelly, who owns a cafe.
Finally getting my flights booked to go home at christmas. They were slightly more expensive than I would have liked, but I can bring a hold bag to contain all my lovely christmas presents. Good stuff!
Not
I feel hesitant to say this, but I'm going to anyway. Taylor John's House in Coventry. I've seen Paul Curreri and his lovely wife Devon Sproule play there so many times, and I think it could be a really great venue. They attract great talent and the gigs are good value for money. But with all that said, it's never a great gig experience. There is a really off-putting cliquey vibe to the place, so it's hard to feel welcome there. The toilets are really grotty and the bar is very limited. I hate being shushed at the start of the set by the venue's owner. It's good to ask the audience to be respectful of the performer, and it is very good to be able to enjoy a performance without people talking on their mobile phones, but being sushed and clicked at is deepy irritating and quite offensive. I'll continue to go there as long as Paul Curreri plays there, and I'm grateful to have the opportunity to see him live, but I always come away from a gig there with a bad taste in my mouth. (it might be the green wine)
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
What's with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an opening in the Rat Pack?
I've been getting my reading mojo back recently. I had a bit of a slump a while back, when I found it difficult to get into anything but I think being on holiday and having lots of time to read enthused me again. So here is a list of some of my most-loved books (in no particular order)
Anne of Green Gables - L.M Montgomery
I think anyone who knows me knows of my love for the Anne books. For simplicity I have just named the first in the series, but I love all of them, even the later ones where Anne moves into the background and the narrative focuses on her children. If I had read the books first as an adult I might not have loved them as well as I do - they are full of morals and religion. Reading the first book as an adult, I came to realise that the story isn't just of how Anne changes and grows, but how Marilla changes by opening her heart to love. I loved all of Anne's adventures and the books are faithful friends that I never tire of reading.
Diary of a Provincial Lady - E.M. Delafield
(This one gets a picture of the cover because I could find a picture of the edition I have, hurrah!)
As with the Anne books, this covers the series of Provincial Lady books written by E.M. Delafield - Diary of a Provincial Lady, The Provincial Lady Goes Further, The Provincial Lady in America and The Provincial Lady in Wartime. The Provincial Lady of the title is accident-prone, self-conscious and long-suffering and she is very, very funny. I identify with her constant feeling that she is less well-dressed and socially capable than her friends, and in her struggles with irritating neighbours and friends she doesn't like I take great comfort. These are among the few books that can make me laugh out loud.
The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 3/4 - Sue Townsend
Another diary, and another series! I haven't read all of the Adrian Mole books - I have yet to read The Lost Diaries of Adrian Mole or Adrian Mole: The Prostrate Years, but I will. These are more books that make me laugh out loud, although they are a lot bleaker than the Provincial Lady. I think my favourite thing about the series isn't Adrian, but the turbulent lives of his parents, George and Pauline. I love the way that Sue Townsend documents the period as well - Pauline goes to Greenham Common and reads The Female Eunuch, Adrian becomes a celebrity chef in a restaurant dedicated to offal. I look forward to seeing how life has turned out for the middle-aged Adrian.
The Amazing Adventures of Kavlier and Clay - Michael Chabon
Just one book this time, rather than a series. I love the scope of this book as much as everything else. This book took me by surprise, I'm not interested in Escapology but the decriptions of Joe Kavalier's training riveted me. Joe Kavalier, the sad-eyed, haunted soul, is one of my favourite characters from literature. Following the course of his, Sam and Rosa's lives was wonderful and moving. I really hope that the constant rumours that this will be made into a film are wrong. It would make a terrible film, but it is a magical book.
The Woman Who Walked Into Doors - Roddy Doyle
This is one of the very few books that has made me cry. I really cried, as well, I put the book down and howled. Paula Spencer, the narrator, is 39. She has four children, lives in a council estate in Dublin, is an alcoholic and a battered wife. Her husband has been dead for a number of years, and Paula's voice recounts to us their courtship and marriage, her alcoholism and her struggle to get her life back together. So, you can see why I cried so much! One of the things I like so much about Roddy Doyle is his ear for language and his ability to write the rhythms of everyday speech, and this is what makes this novel so real and moving. It's not a misery-lit memoir, although there is hope for Paula there is no climactic triumph over adversity.
Germinal - Emile Zola
Germinal is a pretty tough read. It's unlikely that I would ever have read it, if I hadn't been studying it in my second year of university, I don't think the idea of reading about a load of French miners on strike would have appealed to me that much. I read it pretty quickly, out of necessity, but also because I was absorbed. Zola moves between the personal and political so well, the novel is a bit like a tapestry. I loved it so much I went out and bought as many of the Rougon-Maquart novels I could find translations of, and a big old biography of the man himself.
Well, I'll leave it there for now, even though 6 seems like an eccentric number to leave it on. I'll have to add more at a later date.
Oh, and on a similar note, I've finished Year of Wonders and have started The Parasites by Daphne du Maurier. I'm not sure what I think of it yet, I'm only about 30 pages in. It's calling to mind The Fountain Overflows and Sunflower by Rebecca West, so I will stick with it I think.
Anne of Green Gables - L.M Montgomery
I think anyone who knows me knows of my love for the Anne books. For simplicity I have just named the first in the series, but I love all of them, even the later ones where Anne moves into the background and the narrative focuses on her children. If I had read the books first as an adult I might not have loved them as well as I do - they are full of morals and religion. Reading the first book as an adult, I came to realise that the story isn't just of how Anne changes and grows, but how Marilla changes by opening her heart to love. I loved all of Anne's adventures and the books are faithful friends that I never tire of reading.
Diary of a Provincial Lady - E.M. Delafield
(This one gets a picture of the cover because I could find a picture of the edition I have, hurrah!)
As with the Anne books, this covers the series of Provincial Lady books written by E.M. Delafield - Diary of a Provincial Lady, The Provincial Lady Goes Further, The Provincial Lady in America and The Provincial Lady in Wartime. The Provincial Lady of the title is accident-prone, self-conscious and long-suffering and she is very, very funny. I identify with her constant feeling that she is less well-dressed and socially capable than her friends, and in her struggles with irritating neighbours and friends she doesn't like I take great comfort. These are among the few books that can make me laugh out loud.
The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 3/4 - Sue Townsend
Another diary, and another series! I haven't read all of the Adrian Mole books - I have yet to read The Lost Diaries of Adrian Mole or Adrian Mole: The Prostrate Years, but I will. These are more books that make me laugh out loud, although they are a lot bleaker than the Provincial Lady. I think my favourite thing about the series isn't Adrian, but the turbulent lives of his parents, George and Pauline. I love the way that Sue Townsend documents the period as well - Pauline goes to Greenham Common and reads The Female Eunuch, Adrian becomes a celebrity chef in a restaurant dedicated to offal. I look forward to seeing how life has turned out for the middle-aged Adrian.
The Amazing Adventures of Kavlier and Clay - Michael Chabon
Just one book this time, rather than a series. I love the scope of this book as much as everything else. This book took me by surprise, I'm not interested in Escapology but the decriptions of Joe Kavalier's training riveted me. Joe Kavalier, the sad-eyed, haunted soul, is one of my favourite characters from literature. Following the course of his, Sam and Rosa's lives was wonderful and moving. I really hope that the constant rumours that this will be made into a film are wrong. It would make a terrible film, but it is a magical book.
The Woman Who Walked Into Doors - Roddy Doyle
This is one of the very few books that has made me cry. I really cried, as well, I put the book down and howled. Paula Spencer, the narrator, is 39. She has four children, lives in a council estate in Dublin, is an alcoholic and a battered wife. Her husband has been dead for a number of years, and Paula's voice recounts to us their courtship and marriage, her alcoholism and her struggle to get her life back together. So, you can see why I cried so much! One of the things I like so much about Roddy Doyle is his ear for language and his ability to write the rhythms of everyday speech, and this is what makes this novel so real and moving. It's not a misery-lit memoir, although there is hope for Paula there is no climactic triumph over adversity.
Germinal - Emile Zola
Germinal is a pretty tough read. It's unlikely that I would ever have read it, if I hadn't been studying it in my second year of university, I don't think the idea of reading about a load of French miners on strike would have appealed to me that much. I read it pretty quickly, out of necessity, but also because I was absorbed. Zola moves between the personal and political so well, the novel is a bit like a tapestry. I loved it so much I went out and bought as many of the Rougon-Maquart novels I could find translations of, and a big old biography of the man himself.
Well, I'll leave it there for now, even though 6 seems like an eccentric number to leave it on. I'll have to add more at a later date.
Oh, and on a similar note, I've finished Year of Wonders and have started The Parasites by Daphne du Maurier. I'm not sure what I think of it yet, I'm only about 30 pages in. It's calling to mind The Fountain Overflows and Sunflower by Rebecca West, so I will stick with it I think.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
I don't creep, I glide
Today I'm feeling inspired by Loobylu to write a What's Hot/What's Not list. It's not Wednesday, but I think I'll do mine on Thursdays instead.
Hot
Nic is home from America, hurrah! He was only gone for a week, but I missed him. He had a good time, met some lovely people and brought me home a lovely present of:
Prada perfume. I've been too poor to buy it this year, so have been making do, but it is my favourite perfume. I've been going into House of Fraser recently to spray it on my coat. Now I smell like a very classy lady!
Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks. M lent this to me months ago, and I've only started reading it. It's excellent - it reminds me a little of Music and Silence by Rose Tremain, which is another of my favourites.
My new dress which may be named after someone I dislike, but is really really nice on. It looks good with my birthday shoes as well!
Duck eggs. M and I had some boiled Norfolk White duck eggs for our tea on Monday night and they were delicious. It's been years since I've eaten a duck egg, and Nic had never had the pleasure, so I brought him one as breakfast in bed yesterday.
Bagpuss, dear Bagpuss
Old Fat Furry Catpuss
He has been keeping me very nice and warm now that the weather has turned cold.
Finally, and belatedly mastering the crochet granny square. I can do more complicated things but this evaded me for an irritatingly long time. Thanks to good instruction from this book I have very happily using up my various scraps of yarn to make myself a blanket.
One cup coffee filters - making my coffee-drinking at work much more pleasurable. I think I might buy a Belgian filter like this one from Bodum
Making plans for Friday night at the pub. I love going to the pub with my friends!
Not
Open plan office-stress. A colleague sitting near me today talks so loudly on the phone that I'm sure it must render the phone unnecessary.
Being cold. Bagpuss is helping me to ward off the cold, but I'm going to have to switch my heater on eventually.
Trying to make plans for what do do about getting home for Christmas. All of my options seem to be dauntingly expensive.
I know I have to vacuum this weekend, and I hate it.
Hot
Nic is home from America, hurrah! He was only gone for a week, but I missed him. He had a good time, met some lovely people and brought me home a lovely present of:
Prada perfume. I've been too poor to buy it this year, so have been making do, but it is my favourite perfume. I've been going into House of Fraser recently to spray it on my coat. Now I smell like a very classy lady!
Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks. M lent this to me months ago, and I've only started reading it. It's excellent - it reminds me a little of Music and Silence by Rose Tremain, which is another of my favourites.
My new dress which may be named after someone I dislike, but is really really nice on. It looks good with my birthday shoes as well!
Duck eggs. M and I had some boiled Norfolk White duck eggs for our tea on Monday night and they were delicious. It's been years since I've eaten a duck egg, and Nic had never had the pleasure, so I brought him one as breakfast in bed yesterday.
Bagpuss, dear Bagpuss
Old Fat Furry Catpuss
He has been keeping me very nice and warm now that the weather has turned cold.
Finally, and belatedly mastering the crochet granny square. I can do more complicated things but this evaded me for an irritatingly long time. Thanks to good instruction from this book I have very happily using up my various scraps of yarn to make myself a blanket.
One cup coffee filters - making my coffee-drinking at work much more pleasurable. I think I might buy a Belgian filter like this one from Bodum
Making plans for Friday night at the pub. I love going to the pub with my friends!
Not
Open plan office-stress. A colleague sitting near me today talks so loudly on the phone that I'm sure it must render the phone unnecessary.
Being cold. Bagpuss is helping me to ward off the cold, but I'm going to have to switch my heater on eventually.
Trying to make plans for what do do about getting home for Christmas. All of my options seem to be dauntingly expensive.
I know I have to vacuum this weekend, and I hate it.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Nature's all very well in her place, but she musn't be allowed to make things untidy
For this last visit home to (extremely rainy) Northern Ireland I flew with Ryanair into Derry City airport, rather than my usual route of flying with BMIbaby to Belfast International. It was an interesting experience for a number of reasons. It was the first time I had flown with Ryanair for a long time and it has changed lots. I won't join the many voices already criticising Ryanair for the way in which their charges mount and mount, or the lack of room in their planes, or the way in which you are advertised to for almost the entire duration of your flight, or for the fact that the airport is named Derry City Airport but the Ryanair flight announcement and advertising refers to it as Londonderry airport, which it is not (oh, whoops - I did join those people. Oh well) but it was very different to how I was used to getting home. Also, Derry is further away from my parents' house, quite a long drive over the Sperrins. I very much enjoyed the drive through the mountains, and so did my dad. It was nice to be reminded how beautiful my home country is. And, it was excellent to spend some time in Derry - something I haven't done for some time.
It got me thinking again - in a very convoluted manner - about Facebook. On the drive from the airport (actually in Eglinton, not really in Derry) into Derry city centre we drove past the house where one of my friends used to live. He is someone who I lost contact with, and rarely think about now. But when I was a teenager he was an important friend - someone who I wrote to lots, and talked to on the phone, and visited, and really cared about. He was an important friend to have because he was the first properly platonic male friend I had, and I love being friends with men. Anyway, I googled him and found that he is on Facebook, so if I were also on Facebook I'd be able to get in contact with him, and wouldn't that be nice? But, I'm not on Facebook, and I don't want to be. And I can't find other contact details for him online (which is reassuring, actually)
So, what do I want? I suppose if I really wanted to get in contact with him I could write a letter and post it to his parents' house, assuming that they still live in Derry. I suppose it is what I would have done in the days pre-internet. And maybe I will do it. When I deleted my Facebook account, lots of people wondered how I would keep in touch with them. And to be fair, I'm not really in touch with some of those people now, and I wonder what that means. If I contacted Ed (for that is the name of my long-lost friend) on Facebook, would it mean that our friendship was revived? It might, but it probably wouldn't. Maybe that is laziness, but I think it is a kind of laziness that Facebook encouraged me into in the past (that and semi-stalking, and who needs to be spending their time doing that?!) Once again, I'm not entirely sure what my point is in this. Maybe a wee diagram would be helpful
I think 'Oh, wouldn't it be nice to know what Ed is up to these days' --->
Oh, he's on Facebook. But I'm not ------->
Maybe if I was on Facebook I could contact him -------->
But what would that achieve? I don't think it's a very good place to communicate, although we would be able to see each other's photos. ------->
Aaah Facebook is crap. Bollocks to it ---------->
Is fondly remembering someone the same as a sincere desire to rekindle a friendship? ------->
Probably not
Maybe I should write all of my blogs as little diagrams!
p.s Ed Devlin from Derry - on the very slim chance that you google your name and find this, email me, yeah? It's much better than Facebook!
It got me thinking again - in a very convoluted manner - about Facebook. On the drive from the airport (actually in Eglinton, not really in Derry) into Derry city centre we drove past the house where one of my friends used to live. He is someone who I lost contact with, and rarely think about now. But when I was a teenager he was an important friend - someone who I wrote to lots, and talked to on the phone, and visited, and really cared about. He was an important friend to have because he was the first properly platonic male friend I had, and I love being friends with men. Anyway, I googled him and found that he is on Facebook, so if I were also on Facebook I'd be able to get in contact with him, and wouldn't that be nice? But, I'm not on Facebook, and I don't want to be. And I can't find other contact details for him online (which is reassuring, actually)
So, what do I want? I suppose if I really wanted to get in contact with him I could write a letter and post it to his parents' house, assuming that they still live in Derry. I suppose it is what I would have done in the days pre-internet. And maybe I will do it. When I deleted my Facebook account, lots of people wondered how I would keep in touch with them. And to be fair, I'm not really in touch with some of those people now, and I wonder what that means. If I contacted Ed (for that is the name of my long-lost friend) on Facebook, would it mean that our friendship was revived? It might, but it probably wouldn't. Maybe that is laziness, but I think it is a kind of laziness that Facebook encouraged me into in the past (that and semi-stalking, and who needs to be spending their time doing that?!) Once again, I'm not entirely sure what my point is in this. Maybe a wee diagram would be helpful
I think 'Oh, wouldn't it be nice to know what Ed is up to these days' --->
Oh, he's on Facebook. But I'm not ------->
Maybe if I was on Facebook I could contact him -------->
But what would that achieve? I don't think it's a very good place to communicate, although we would be able to see each other's photos. ------->
Aaah Facebook is crap. Bollocks to it ---------->
Is fondly remembering someone the same as a sincere desire to rekindle a friendship? ------->
Probably not
Maybe I should write all of my blogs as little diagrams!
p.s Ed Devlin from Derry - on the very slim chance that you google your name and find this, email me, yeah? It's much better than Facebook!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I've block booked 14 meeting rooms. She'll never find us.
It has been a really disjointed week for me. Nic is in America at a conference, and I have been at home, in rainy Northern Ireland. Extremely, extraordinarily rainy. The little weather gadget on my BBC NI homepage always seems to show it raining, it has become a running joke between Nic and I, and that is what it was like. I loved it, though. I spent my time at home just passing the time in the house with my family, playing with the dog, reading and learning a few new crochet stitches. It was indolent, and surprisingly tiring, and just what I needed.
I enjoy my own company and I look forward to having time to myself to read, or daydream, or knit or crochet or whatever, but I don't think I am much good at being on my own for long periods of time. It might be because I grew up in a big family so I've never really spent great amounts of time alone, I don't know. I spent a fair amount of my time at home on my own, and that was good, but it was so comforting to know that my mum was somewhere in the house, or that the dog was asleep on my feet. I miss Nic a great deal, and, having time to think, I have been wondering this evening if I am too dependent on his company and his love, and too dependent generally on having people around me. I'm sure that if I was faced with long periods alone I would be fine, and I would find interesting ways to spend that time, I'm just not all that good at it right now.
All of this has been greatly exacerbated by the fact that I have spent today reading The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. Yes, I know, it is about 5 years after everyone else, but I resisted reading it for such a long time (the snob in me. I don't read books that are consistently recommended to me by people I don't like. But then two people who I love and respect recommended it to me, and I cracked.) Now, it wasn't the ideal book for me to read today because a) saying goodbye to my parents at the airport is always very hard and b)I miss Nic. I couldn't put it down, read the entire book in about 4 hours, and it destroyed me. I cried reading it, I cried when I was telling Nic about reading it. I'm pretty lame, but it really hit a nerve. I'd like to read it again when I'm not feeling so sensitive to thinking about love, loss, loneliness and longing. In the novel, Clare spends so much of her time waiting for Henry, and longing for him. One of her friends tells her that she has to move on and stop waiting, but it's what her life is about. And I often feel like I'm always waiting for something, wishing my life away - I suppose it just feels more pronounced now. I'm waiting for Nic to come home, I'm waiting for it to be christmas so I can go home again, I'm waiting for my new job to start. I'm not dissatisfied with the present, and I love my life, so I don't know why I feel so impatient. Well, I know I'm feeling impatient because I want Nic to come home so I can give him a big cuddle. And I think that I'll have to find something a bit more cheerful to read on the train tomorrow!
And on that cheerful thought, here is a picture of my clever, cafe-owning sister with her Hallowe'en cakes:
I enjoy my own company and I look forward to having time to myself to read, or daydream, or knit or crochet or whatever, but I don't think I am much good at being on my own for long periods of time. It might be because I grew up in a big family so I've never really spent great amounts of time alone, I don't know. I spent a fair amount of my time at home on my own, and that was good, but it was so comforting to know that my mum was somewhere in the house, or that the dog was asleep on my feet. I miss Nic a great deal, and, having time to think, I have been wondering this evening if I am too dependent on his company and his love, and too dependent generally on having people around me. I'm sure that if I was faced with long periods alone I would be fine, and I would find interesting ways to spend that time, I'm just not all that good at it right now.
All of this has been greatly exacerbated by the fact that I have spent today reading The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. Yes, I know, it is about 5 years after everyone else, but I resisted reading it for such a long time (the snob in me. I don't read books that are consistently recommended to me by people I don't like. But then two people who I love and respect recommended it to me, and I cracked.) Now, it wasn't the ideal book for me to read today because a) saying goodbye to my parents at the airport is always very hard and b)I miss Nic. I couldn't put it down, read the entire book in about 4 hours, and it destroyed me. I cried reading it, I cried when I was telling Nic about reading it. I'm pretty lame, but it really hit a nerve. I'd like to read it again when I'm not feeling so sensitive to thinking about love, loss, loneliness and longing. In the novel, Clare spends so much of her time waiting for Henry, and longing for him. One of her friends tells her that she has to move on and stop waiting, but it's what her life is about. And I often feel like I'm always waiting for something, wishing my life away - I suppose it just feels more pronounced now. I'm waiting for Nic to come home, I'm waiting for it to be christmas so I can go home again, I'm waiting for my new job to start. I'm not dissatisfied with the present, and I love my life, so I don't know why I feel so impatient. Well, I know I'm feeling impatient because I want Nic to come home so I can give him a big cuddle. And I think that I'll have to find something a bit more cheerful to read on the train tomorrow!
And on that cheerful thought, here is a picture of my clever, cafe-owning sister with her Hallowe'en cakes:
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